 |
| "Transforming Anger" © 1996 ~ colored pencil mandala by Carol E. Fairbanks |
"Usually when people are sad, they don't do anything. They just cry over their condition. But when they get angry, they bring about a change."
~ James Russel Lowell
The Fire Within
The second weekend mandala workshop that I did in 1995 was a "trial-by-fire" for me, having gone through a painful divorce and feeling a lot of stress from my teaching job. So, it was no surprise that this dynamic mandala made its dramatic appearance at that time. In my classroom for a multi-age "gifted and talented" program, I hung a quote by Einstein - "Great spirits often encounter violent opposition from mediocre minds." Above the quote, Einstein was pictured sticking his tongue out, much like in my mandala. The school administrators that I worked for were more interested in being controlling dictators, than visionary idealists. That right there put us on opposite "sides of the fence". I had to wrestle my overactive "flight mode" to the ground just to stay there and teach. It definitely was not a place to recover from the sadness I felt about my recent separation from my alcoholic ex-husband.
So even the songs of Enya playing that weekend did not soothe me. After our guided meditation when we were to start drawing the symbol that we had visualized, I, with a defeated tone, exclaimed that I had no images left in me....not a one! I felt depleted and empty, and certainly not very creative. Willow, my teacher, gently suggested that I just take a white pencil and doodle. And that's what I did! As I moved the pencil across the blackness of the paper, the "fire within" was stoked. Incredible feelings surfaced in me, and my drawing was energized...in fact, it seemed to take off without me! The more intense my drawing became, the deeper I went into that creative process. I felt so much feeling welling up in me that is spilled over onto the paper through my pencils with a fury. When Willow came by to see how I was doing, she smiled and said. "No images, huh?!"
Since that emotional time of getting in touch with that potent anger that I had repressed, I have learned more about the powerful emotion of anger. I don't believe that we are taught what to do with it. In fact, we are pretty much taught that it is "bad" to even feel angry, let alone express it. Before I created the mandala, I was feeling powerless and fatigued; afterwards, looking at my image that was "smoking" on the paper before me, I felt energized. In giving voice to my anger, I was able to take that violent energy within me and transform it into a power that I could use to make positive changes in my life. I had discovered what author, William Arthur Ward, once wrote, "It is wise to direct your anger towards problems - not people; to focus your energies on answers- not excuses." In acknowledging my anger and giving it a "face", I was able to let its energy move me into action....move me from helpless victim to empowered problem solver.
The Fire Within
The second weekend mandala workshop that I did in 1995 was a "trial-by-fire" for me, having gone through a painful divorce and feeling a lot of stress from my teaching job. So, it was no surprise that this dynamic mandala made its dramatic appearance at that time. In my classroom for a multi-age "gifted and talented" program, I hung a quote by Einstein - "Great spirits often encounter violent opposition from mediocre minds." Above the quote, Einstein was pictured sticking his tongue out, much like in my mandala. The school administrators that I worked for were more interested in being controlling dictators, than visionary idealists. That right there put us on opposite "sides of the fence". I had to wrestle my overactive "flight mode" to the ground just to stay there and teach. It definitely was not a place to recover from the sadness I felt about my recent separation from my alcoholic ex-husband.
So even the songs of Enya playing that weekend did not soothe me. After our guided meditation when we were to start drawing the symbol that we had visualized, I, with a defeated tone, exclaimed that I had no images left in me....not a one! I felt depleted and empty, and certainly not very creative. Willow, my teacher, gently suggested that I just take a white pencil and doodle. And that's what I did! As I moved the pencil across the blackness of the paper, the "fire within" was stoked. Incredible feelings surfaced in me, and my drawing was energized...in fact, it seemed to take off without me! The more intense my drawing became, the deeper I went into that creative process. I felt so much feeling welling up in me that is spilled over onto the paper through my pencils with a fury. When Willow came by to see how I was doing, she smiled and said. "No images, huh?!"
Since that emotional time of getting in touch with that potent anger that I had repressed, I have learned more about the powerful emotion of anger. I don't believe that we are taught what to do with it. In fact, we are pretty much taught that it is "bad" to even feel angry, let alone express it. Before I created the mandala, I was feeling powerless and fatigued; afterwards, looking at my image that was "smoking" on the paper before me, I felt energized. In giving voice to my anger, I was able to take that violent energy within me and transform it into a power that I could use to make positive changes in my life. I had discovered what author, William Arthur Ward, once wrote, "It is wise to direct your anger towards problems - not people; to focus your energies on answers- not excuses." In acknowledging my anger and giving it a "face", I was able to let its energy move me into action....move me from helpless victim to empowered problem solver.
No comments:
Post a Comment