"The Power to Be" ©  1997  ~  colored pencil mandala by Carol E. Fairbanks

                                                 
                                                          Daring to Gallop

" Destiny is not a strange power which determines what shall happen to me.  It is myself, as given, formed by nature, history and myself.  My destiny is my freedom; my freedom participates in shaping my destiny."
                                                                                           ~ Paul Tillich
                                                                                                       Systemic Theology

My life had been nagging me for a change for some time now.... I wanted something different, something new, but lacked the energy to manifest a real change.  Maybe it was the overwhelming fact that everything in my life wanted my attention at once.  My teaching job was stifling my creativity.  I had stopped doing my avid walking program and was hardly exercising at all.  I still was recovering emotionally from the break up of my marriage.  I was alone...really alone and with very few connections and almost no purpose.

When my art therapist introduced me to the book of luminous mandalas by Judith Cornell, it was the first thing I had gotten excited about for a long time.  I immediately made plans to attend a workshop with Judith Cornell that summer at Hollyhock Center on Cortes Island in British Columbia.  With geography not being my strong suit, I had no idea where British Columbia was, but that didn't matter.  I was going...I had to go, because I needed to feel something beyond my sadness.  I could put my frustration on a shelf for a while, because I was going to tap into a wisdom within me through this art form.

I had always looked outside of myself for a "savior", but this time I was going within.  And didn't I read that we have all the wisdom of the Universe within our soul center.  So, hope for the future was "jump started" with my plans to fly to Seattle, hop a seaplane from there to Cortes Island, and hitch a ride, after landing in the water, to Hollyhock Center.  I was finally moving from that dismal "nothing" place to an adventure that had true promise!

It was the farthest that I ever traveled alone, but I made it, seaplane and all!  The center on this nature -filled island had eagles flying around like "robins" and served organic home cooked meals that probably added 5 years to my life.  All that and the walks by the serene water's edge did a lot to restore my sense of calm and inner peace.  I was ready to draw.. both on paper and also draw from that well of wisdom within me that I so desperately wanted to access.  In guiding the group to visualize an animal symbol for our animal totem mandala, Judith asked us to image an animal in meditation and then become that animal...both in movement and sound. I had visualized a horse and, for a moment, hesitated galloping around the room and neighing.  But I really was counting on this experience to help change my life, so.... off I went around the room ....whinnying and tossing my "mane"!  I "galloped" over to my paper, grabbed my pencil with my "hoof" and,  to my amazement, danced out this horse!  

Well, if I wanted a "jump-start" for my journey, I got it....because this horse was saying to me,  "You are on your way, girl!  Yehaa!!!   Hold onto your hat,  because we are galloping full speed down the road of your journey with sights on your destiny!  When I arrived back home later that week, the lower level of my home had flooded due to a water leak, and my entire studio area had to be completely torn out and redone.  At school, the administrators crossed a boundary by cutting my budget for the program I was teaching,  and I made a decision to leave my job and retire at the end of the school year.  And I had  an opportunity to join a women's group that helped me learn invaluable ways of better relating to myself and others. Life was never going to be the same for me after I released my "horse" and rode him down the path of my destiny. "Yehaaaa!"