"Illumination" © 2011 ~ watercolor by Carol E. Fairbanks

          "The longest journey is the journey inwards of (she) who has chosen (her) destiny."

                                                                                           ~  Dag Hammarskjold

                                     By the Light of the Full Moon

"Inner Calling"  © 2003 ~ crayon drawing by Carol Fairbanks

Sometimes a voice within inspires me with such volume that I just cannot ignore it.  Often, because I perceive that it threatens my security and will require a change, I make every effort I can to run away from such guidance.  But the "mouth" shouting its message just gets bigger and louder, and finally, with part resignation and part curiosity,  I begin to listen.  After all, the "mouth" that was blaring at me by the time I seriously began listening, was a flower... a red rose...the symbol of love.  So how bad could that be?!

As I looked at my recently finished crayon drawing I later called "Inner Calling", I searched for "clues" as to where I should move and make my new home.  I had lived in Colorado for a year and, after weathering the worst drought in 500 years, a big piece of the state burning up in forest fires and finally the letting go of a job where the boss seemed to think that leadership meant upsetting people, I was at last ready to explore new possibilities.  Okay, there was water in this drawing, and mountains and a giant rose that was talking to me.  And there was some green growth lit up by a big full moon that was connecting all of this.  Did these colorful images have some meaning for me in my search for guidance?  

With my interest in the Waldorf education and their integration of arts into the curriculum, I had explored getting Waldorf teacher training in Eugene, OR.  I had searched their weather online, and it predicted rain and clouds, followed by some showers. No where on the weather chart for Eugene did I seen the symbol for the sun.  I immediately thought, "No way I could live somewhere where it rains that much!" and dismissed the idea immediately.  But now this giant rose was shouting at me while I closed my eyes and turned away from its persistent voice.  Should I reconsider going to Oregon?  Portland was known as "Rose City",  and roses really loved that misty rain that dominated the winters.  And Oregon was by the ocean and had beautiful mountains.  Could all this be dismissed, especially when I saw that big mouth "rose" reaching its tendril out to snare me?!

Well, I did move the Oregon and, not due to any planning or awareness on my part, it was on the night of the full moon.  My daughter, Annie, an adventure-lover like me, flew out to Colorado and helped me drive to Oregon with my two cats while that luminous orb lit the way.  The Waldorf training in Eugene did not work out for me, but I did find the home connection I was seeking. It's been over ten years since that August full moon journey to my new home, and I am so grateful for the guidance of that big mouth  rose that wouldn't stop talking to me! "Inner Calling", or should I say "Oregon Calling",  inspired the way!