"Moon Upon My Shoulder" ©  2004  ~ colored pencil by Carol E. Fairbanks

"I used to be afraid to go outside, no more, no more.
Thought the ten foot people would have my hide,...no more, no more.
And it's nothing that I realized; it's not because I'm older.
Just one day I looked over and saw the moon upon my shoulder.

I used to be afraid to look inside,
To the place where fear and dreams collide.
But that is where my beauty lies; my spirit has unfolded.
Just one day I looked over and saw the moon upon my shoulder."

        ~ from the song, "Moon Upon My Shoulder"  by Debra Davis, Old Soul Music, ASCAP

                                     Lunar Learnings

As I have moved through the adventure of my life, I have come to feel a comfort in these "shoes" I now walk in.  I have settled into a familiar acceptance of who I am, limitations and all.  Oh, I might want to be richer, prettier or even saner, but I now know that my real confidence comes from something deeper within myself.  It comes from a knowledge of my "place" in the world.....from a realization of the rights I have in my destined "place".... and that no one has the right to take that from me.  In fact, no one can rob me of my "place" without my cooperation.  And just how have I learned that?

I have given away my "power" to be my true self over and over again, especially in my relationships with men.  In my being "other directed", I have strived to become what I thought would make me more lovable and acceptable.  In my fear of possibly losing that "love", I abandoned my dreams, and sometimes, my hopes for my future, just to get the attention and affection I thought I could not live without. But the painful struggle I repeatedly went through in "resurrecting" that self that I had stifled in the process, gave birth to a stronger, more confident me.  It was a tough way to learn, and maybe I still have some "scars" left from my time in relationship "combat",  but I have emerged a stronger, wiser and more knowledgeable woman.

Like the moon that reflects the sun's light, my thoughts about myself mirror back to me how I feel about who I am.  If I reflectively think negative thoughts of lack and unworthiness, then my choices are probably going to be based on fear. As my self concept has matured, while surviving each growing opportunity,  I eventually created a newer and better life, focusing on love rather than fear.  And as that love grew, the foundation of my choices gradually came from within....from that place where my thoughts about myself radiate a reflection of my true worth.  Through coming to better know that truth, I have grown in my ability to love myself with more compassion and respect.  It's pretty difficult to sweep a "girl" off her feet when she is rooted and grounded in an acceptance and love of herself.  Finally, she is free to love and accept others as they are, because she no longer needs them to be or do anything to make her feel "complete".  It  is a lesson for a woman that is a lifetime journey, maybe longer, especially if she grew up in a family that was less than loving. 

But now in my later years, after moving through the relationship episodes in my heroine's journey, I can definitely see that "moon upon my shoulder".  It lights up an awareness within me of the possibilities for my life beyond what I have ever imagined as a younger woman.  Now, I know where my "beauty" lies, and it's not in my appearance or even my accomplishments.  It comes from being and loving who I am, while sharing time with others....laughing at those "ten foot men" who appear to threaten my "place"....and dancing happily down my path of adventures.....under the light of my full moon!