"Merging toward Oneness" © 1995  ~   pencil mandala by Carol E. Fairbanks

                                                  My Creative Muse Speaks

"There is only One: One Power, One Creative Energy.  One Force, and One Infinite Intelligence.  There is nothing but this One, which is the unity of everything."
                                                                                    Rev. Janet Kingsley, Flagstaff, AZ


In 1995, I drove up to Wooster, Ohio from my home in Northern Kentucky to take a workshop on drawing mandalas with pencils on black paper.  It was the first of what was to be for me, in time, 8 workshops, and it was life changing.  I had gone through a very painful divorce and was searching for a new perspective of my life .... trying to see myself as whole and loving, while feeling very broken and alone.  This workshop was taught by Willow Kushler, who was an assistant to Judith Cornell, an artist and author who had birthed this creative technique in her book, Luminous Mandalas.

With a copy of her mandala book in my hand, I arrived at the weekend workshop, not knowing what to expect.  So, I felt a little nervous and very inadequate, as I compared what I might do to the illustrations in Cornell's book.  My judgement mode was in full gear, and I considered putting on my running shoes immediately.  But as I entered the lodge where the workshop was held, music from one of my favorite singers, Enya, was playing.  "Just have fun and RELAX", I told myself, as I signed in and found my room.

Later in session, while in preparation for doing our large color mandala, Willow led us in a mediation where we were to visualize a symbol.  We were to be accepting of anything that appeared in our "mind's eye" and let it become an inspiration for a design for our mandala.  What did I "see"?  I saw nothing...total blackness.... not a color, not a form ....just endless darkness.  I started to squirm and think about my running shoes once again.  While I was trying to figure out a way to escape from the embarrassment of not receiving a symbol, we were instructed to open our eyes and start drawing our symbol.  I picked up my white prismacolor pencil and started drawing.  Since I did the guided meditation, that symbol just had to be somewhere in me, even if I didn't "see" it!

The mandala above is what was birthed from deep inside of me that day.  It was the first time I had completely surrendered to that creative muse within.  It was so deep within me that even my "mind's eye" could not see it.  While drawing, it was like someone was giving me step by step instructions, and I followed them, not seeing what was coming next. I was totally in the present moment and had incredible peace in doing this drawing, unlike the usual anxiety I experience when creating.

And the symbol that "flowed" from my pencil was just what I needed to begin to heal that sad and broken part of me.  It was the message of oneness. I didn't need to "fight" to get what I needed.....it was already there within me.  All the love, goodness and prosperity that I had scaled mountains to try to attain was already mine.  I was the "One" I was searching for, because, in truth,  I can never be separated from that Source, for It is me, and I am It.   There is only One.....Oneness....