Creative Play

                                                             

"Color's  Promise" ©  1996  ~ colored pencil by Carol E. Fairbanks

                                                          Creative Play


"There is no right and wrong way to make art.  Colors and shapes and objects and materials - they just are just what they are.  They are color.  They are form.  They are for you to play with."                                       
                                             ~ Jane Seaton, author of ArtLife

                                                                             

When I am in a very judgmental mode, my creativity is stifled, and my imagination seems nonexistent.  If I am entertaining any thoughts of finding something wrong with me, it is immediately transferred to my feelings about what I am attempting to create.  If I feel "ugly", my painting looks ugly to me.  If I am experiencing fear or sadness, I tend to paint in blues and grays.  Indeed, the imagery in my art reflects back to me what needs healing and attention.  If I can accept my "ugly" and "fearful" and "sad" parts instead of fighting with them, that imagery can begin to function as caring friends that support me in moving past my darker illusions of who I am.

My ego is an important part of me for getting into my studio and working, but then I need to let go of my control mode and be more welcoming of the images that move through me onto the paper or canvas. There is always something important to be learned when I can do that.  It is very powerful to do this transpersonal process in a creative community, where perceptions, inspired by image making, are shared with supportive feedback- no judgement, no advice-giving  - just validating acceptance of me and my process. Most of the artwork on my blog has been done in this way, especially the pencil and acrylic mandalas.

But I have found that creating art in a more traditional community, that sets up competitions and encourages a need for outside approval, is very toxic for me.  Either way, whether people are liking my art or finding fault with it, I get out of balance.  But when people praise my art, my ego laps it up and wants more and more and is anything but quiet. This relentless search for approval, whether inspired from words or sales, shuts my creativity down and makes me want to run from artmaking.  It feels as "too stressful", and I tend to rationalize an endless list of reasons of why I cannot do art. Of course, if people don't like or buy my art, I feel like a failure, and my fears of being less than are confirmed (according to my ego).

When I started this blog, I intended to document my walking adventures.  But much to my surprise, the "feet" of my blog have taken a different trail.  The Wild Woman Walker is trekking an interior trail through my fear and anxiety of doing art.  Those transpersonal images of mine, that have been waiting patiently, some for years, are now speaking their wisdom to me. As I "walk" with these "image friends", they share with me insights that are much richer than any wisdom source outside of me.  They come on a cloud of vibrant color and lovingly offer to me a vision of who I really am.