Seeing Stars in the Darkness

"Dancing in the Dark" ~ acrylic by Carol E Fairbanks  © 2011 

" I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night."  

Galileo

Change seems to be happening as rapidly as the continual updates that keep popping up on my computer screen. In a world where speed is recognized and, even lauded at competitions, to be quiet and slow down almost seems unnatural. Yet coping effectively within these rapid changes in our lives requires that we cease all frantic activity and quietly go within to listen to a source of wisdom that sees beyond the frenzy. And of course, change seldom calls on us in the "bright of day", when we can see more clearly, ...no, it rather seizes us with its challenge during the "darkness of the night".

In an inspiring book, Learning to Walk in the Dark, the author, Barbara Brown Taylor, explores our common perception of "darkness" as it inevitably happens in our lives. She says we are programmed to perceive "darkness", whether actual or emotional,  as something to be avoided, and view it often as something to be feared or a sign of failure. Instead of seeing the beauty and maybe, the opportunity in darkness, we often perceive it as a possible threat to our survival and imagine all kinds of fearful outcomes. In reading Taylor's book, I became more aware of how much I have learned from those "dark" experiences in my life. And amazingly I seem to have always emerged from those challenging times much stronger and wiser. Those harrowing times of my life have brought forth attitudes and abilities I never knew I had within me.  

After "surviving" a number of those fearful times, I have often laughingly repeated the quote, "What doesn't kill me will strengthen me."  Sure, I have been in situations that have been serious and possibly very harmful, but it was my thoughts about the threatening situation that actually caused me the most suffering.  The "darkness" in my life has always led me into the "cavern" of my hidden beliefs and that challenges me much more than any external enemy ever could. It is there in that dark "cave" within my mind, where I have had the opportunity look up and see the "light of the stars" that are shining there.  Those "stars in the darkness" are like openings to new ways of thinking.... to attitude changes that encourage me to imagine healthier ways of relating to myself and others in my life. Here in this ominous, dark landscape I often see a "path" to actualizing a long held dream. In the "darkness", I am guided to explore deeper .... to go beyond the surface of things.... to a truth, like the stars, that cannot be seen in the intense light of the day.

"Destiny Unfolding" colored pencil by Carol E Fairbanks © 1999

So in the midst  of "darkness", offering the change it asks of me, I am learning to  open to the gifts of that shadow experience... to the transformation it challenges within me..... to the opportunity it beckons me to.  Author, Eckhart Tolle, has written, "Some changes look negative on the surface but you will soon realize that space is being created in your life for something new to emerge."  Rather than choosing to give image and form to my fears, I can resolve to see the "light of the stars" that are gently illuminating my nighttime landscape. 

"The Opportunity of Darkness"  ~ colored pencil by Carol E Fairbanks  © 2003

Yet in the "darkness", I often feel alone and abandoned, and, even though that is a only perception I hold in my mind, those thoughts can still sabotage my journey of the soul and keep me from opening to a landscape of opportunity and rebirth. So trust in the support and guidance available to me is what is necessary for my pilgrimage through that "darkness"..... and with that supportive trust, I do not have to wait until I am more enlightened before I courageously step into this transformative landscape. This poem beautifully states that process of trusting a truth before I can see it.

The real miracle of individuation and reclamation

Of the Wild Woman

Is that we all begin the process

Before we are ready,

Before we are strong enough,

Before we know enough;

We begin with a dialog with thoughts and feelings

That both tickle and thunder within us.

We respond

Before we know how to speak the language

Before we know all the answers

And before we know exactly to whom we are speaking.

      

                                                                 Clarissa Pinkola Estes

"The Gift" ~ colored pencil by Carol E Fairbanks © 2002

Creating these art images in an intuitive way has given me a way of trusting without knowing all the answers.... or even some of them!  In each of my art pieces illustrated here, I have modeled the path through the "darkness" that I have been writing about in this blog.  With pencil or paintbrush in hand, I have faced the "unknown" on a blank paper or canvas, not having any idea of what I was going to create. After centering and relaxing, I started "moving" across that surface of "barren landscape", while letting go of expectations and opening to the images that would "appear". And all the while, I trusted that what would appear on my paper or canvas would be there to guide, support and illumine me.  

"Destiny Unfolding" was drawn while I was healing from a life threatening illness and fear was my constant companion.  "The Gift" was drawn when I was embarking on a new career as a yoga teacher and self doubt was trying to get my attention.  And the "Opportunity of Darkness" was drawn as I was contemplating a second major move across the United States in a year.  That drawing revealed images that suggested the Northwest, and I created it even before I was offered the opportunity to move to Oregon!

"Dancing in the Dark" was painted during the loss of my job at Michaels Arts and Crafts as a teacher and decorative artist, and as I was searching for a new focus for my creativity. My painting suggested that I lighten up and "dance" through that change! At present, as I am contemplating changes and new direction in my life, the "suggestion" of "dancing in the dark" sounds like a good one!

                        "The Wild Woman Walker dances on!