"The Gift of Plenty" © 2004  ~ Acrylic on wood tray by Carol E. Fairbanks

"When you are grateful - when you can see what you have - you unlock blessings to flow in your life."

                                                                                     ~ Suze Orman

                                  Living in Gratitude

Today is Thanksgiving Day, and I just sent e-cards expressing to all my family and close friends how grateful I am for them in my life.  How different that feels from affirming my "aloneness" and holding them responsible!  I am going to spend today in a consciousness of "plenty"!  After all...it's the truth!

                      

"Timeless Rhythm" © 2013  ~ photograph by Carol E Fairbanks

"The sea does not reward those who are too anxious, too greedy or too impatient.  One should lie empty, open, choiceless as a beach - waiting for a gift from the sea."

                                                                                               ~ Anne Morrow Lindbergh

                         Experiencing Me at the Sea

"Wading in the Sea" © 2013  ~ photo by Carol E Fairbanks

Walking on the beach soothes my soul and puts me in touch with a sense of timelessness about my essence.  I keep my eyes gently focused on the never ending waves, as they do their dance back and forth with the shore.  I go to the beach to be in the presence of something that I can count on.... something whose movement feels changeless.  Yet the very nature of the sea, that appears changeless, is to create massive changes in its ebb and flow.  At the beach, there are no expectations, no desire to control, no wishing things were different.  I slip into that state of being with the rolling waves and, together with the birds, submit to its cycle of coming and going. In harmony, the birds and I move to the rhythm of the sea and feel at one with the power of it. 

"The Power to Change" © 2013 ~ photo by Carol E Fairbanks

The massive waves repeatedly hit the rocks, not seeing them as a hindrance to their purpose of reaching edge of the shore. The rushing blue water sprays upward as it jumps, over and around  in its relentless desire to move forward.  Absolutely nothing changes its focus or stops the flow of its mission to reach the sandy edge of the shore.

I watch in awe as I witness a vision of strength that seems to be directed by a power beyond my comprehension.  Could it be that the same power, that directs the never ending waves of the ocean, is within me, guiding and sustaining my journey of life, even when I "crash" into rock-like obstacles?  

"Washed Ashore" © 2013 ~ photo by Carol E Fairbanks

And when the tumultuous "waves" of life toss an "obstacle" onto the shore that appears to block my path, can I see it as a blessing instead of a hindrance?  Am I willing to stop and let go of my agenda of tasks and be quiet, as I listen to its message of wisdom? 

""Beach Gifts" © 2013 ~ photo by Carol E Fairbanks

And will I only focus on the big issues that shout for my attention, or will I also notice the smaller gentle gifts that present themselves on my path, as I walk along the shore of my life?  Sometimes there are wondrous learnings from small things that whisper, instead of shout.  Can I be vigilant enough not to miss those smaller gifts of guidance?

"At Rest" © 2013 ~ photo by Carol E Fairbanks

Being the "Wild Woman Walker",  I tend to be more active than not. Being still and quiet are not in my nature, and sitting in meditation, with an "empty mind",  has always been a real challenge for me. But I still believe in the richness of that quiet sitting time can give. When I can soothe my mind, by focusing on the rhythm of my breath, I am able to experience a vast universe within me. The urgency of my "to do" list,  that presses in on me, vanishes and is replaced with a peaceful knowing that all my frantic doing is unnecessary.  This bird knows she is cared for.  She knows she is safe in a benevolent world. I look at this bird in her resting, being posture, and I feel she knows more than I do.

"An Ending" © 2013  ~ photo by Carol E. Fairbanks

In my walk on the beach, the sun sets reminding me that everything in this physical world has an beginning and an ending.....every cherished experience, every occasion we wish would last forever, and every living thing...including me. It's not a frightening thought, only a comforting reminder of the dependable cycle of life.... the spiritual law that says, "Do not fear the endings, for they are just making room for a brand new beginning."

Each night, when the sun moves below the horizon, and darkness envelops the sea and all of its activity, the world rests,  preparing for a new day that is sure to come, when the sun illumines everything once again. Walking peacefully alongside the rhythm of the sea reminds me of this timeless truth and lovingly lets me know that I am part of that rhythm and that rhythm is part of me.


Note: All photos were taken on the beach at Lincoln City, OR.

"Loving the Child of Me"  © 2003  ~ crayon drawing by Carol E. Fairbanks

"Everyone is born creative; everyone is given a box of crayons in kindergarten.  Then when you hit puberty, they take the crayons away and replace them with dry, uninspiring books on algebra, history, etc.  Being suddenly hit years later with the 'creative bug'  is just a wee voice telling you, 'I'd like my crayons back, please."

   ~ Hugh Mac-Leod, car-too-nist, 

         whose mission is to change the world of art in the world of business in a meaningful way.

                                Reclaiming my Crayons

When I was a young girl about 8 or 9 years old, all I wanted to be was an artist.  To look the part, I wore my mom's old red 40's-style hat, that looked like a beret and created an artist smock from one of Dad's old white shirts.  For that Christmas, I had gotten an art easel and plenty of crayons and other scrumptious tools of color, so I was set. I can't remember a single thing I drew or painted during that time I explored being an "artist", but I do remember the fun I had.  It was magical to go to my easel each day and experience the joy of creating something new.  It was a time when I did not let my beliefs of how things "should be" get in the way of my wild imagination. I did not care about anything but the vibrant, beautiful colors that flowed from my brush onto my paper. 

In a magazine, I saw an ad that invited any interested person to draw the profile of a woman and send it in for a chance to "win" free art instruction.  Thinking that maybe I should learn something more and be "better" at art than I was, I got busy drawing.  I sent in my completed drawing, feeling sure I would "win", but I received back instead a packet, advertising a course in drawing guaranteed to make me a better "artist".  Of course, Mom and Dad refused to pay for the drawing course and begging on my part didn't budge them a bit.  Sadly, I felt I lost an opportunity to become a real "artist" and the seed of "not being good enough" was planted.  

Around Christmas time the following year, in our school, there was a contest to draw and color the perfect Santa Claus.  Again I got busy, putting all my artistic skills into creating the best Santa that I could. As I looked at my finished drawing of Santa, smiling back at me, I was sure I would "win" that prize and finally be recognized as a real "artist".  Another older student "won" that contest, and even Mom's encouraging words did not console me. I looked at my "Santa", and suddenly he did not look so good any more. 

I am not sure exactly when I stopped being an "artist", but when I was 12 years old, I decided that being a scientist might be more fun.  I put my "crayons" in away in a drawer, with other discarded junk that I no longer played with, and created a science laboratory in the basement.  With test tubes and beakers, purchased from the local drug store, along with many benign powders and liquids, I was ready to start exploring the world of science.  So my white "artist" smock became the lab coat of a "scientist".  Happily, I saw no "contests" looming around this venture that might intrude on my dream of being a laboratory "scientist".  

While I don't believe it was" better" for me to play at art, rather than doing science experiments, I do feel I abandoned a connection with that playful, imaginative inner child. When I received admonishment on my report card for too much daydreaming, my Mom told me it was not good to waste time entertaining my imagination, when there was more important "real" work to be done.  And so the "crayons" stayed safely in the darkness of the drawer.

I don't remember doing much art in high school or even college.  I had learned that art was for those on the outskirts of society, and it mostly attracted those "rebels" who did not seem to fit in the "real" world. When I was a sophomore in college, I signed up for a drawing class.  I was not sure what my motivation was taking that class, in the midst of all my science and math classes. As I walked into the first class, the professor introduced the model, who would be posing nude, and I bolted and ran out of class and dropped my drawing class immediately.  I was not only was alienated from my creative imagination, but also I seemed to have incorporated a fear and lack of understanding of art making.

But life has a way of gently (and sometimes, not so gently) bringing you back to your passion and your neglected playful child.  The pain and trauma in my life have stripped away my defenses and shouted louder than my fears, opening the way back to the fun and creative play of my inner child.  With each life challenge of divorce, separation from my children, illness, and job loss,  I took back my crayons.  I have survived many life challenges with the support of my coloring, painting. collaging, and drawing. Through my art making, I have been able to let go of my sadness and, by seeing the "bigger picture", have moved on to thriving.  Along with the fun and joy of experiencing my imagination and creativity, I have reconnected to my imaginative inner child....to that place of unconditional self love and self nurturance.  

So presently, my easel has been replaced by an entire art room, and the crayons are permanently "out of the drawer" and into my hands.  Yes, I have even taken classes where I have fearlessly drawn nudes in positions that would make most people blush!  Fearless and imaginative......that's the essence and path of the creative Wild Woman Walker!

"Afternoon Nap" ©  2008  ~ watercolor by Carol E Fairbanks

"Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened."

                                                                                        ~   Anatole France

                                   Purr--fect Wisdom

I belong to a family of four, where three of the members are covered with fur and believe that the most important thing is to be well rested.  There is absolutely no stressful situation that could possibly happen that a good nap couldn't cure. Sure meals are great, and the extra food is fun to play hockey with, but nothing could replace snoozing in the sunlight, as it filters in through the window.  

Eugenia ( Genie, for short)

Normally, my oldest cat child, Genie, had no trouble relaxing, nor was she shy about sleeping in a bed not designated for her.  However, when the boys came to live with us, things changed for her, and she needed a little more "grit" to feel at ease.  Hence, she started making use of some places that provided a little "vertical escape".   And my cowgirl corner was purrr -fect to feel quite secure it!

Next to all those images of cowgirl power, Genie basks on my file cabinet with a confident glow, looking down at the boy cats who are lounging below her. She knows that "girls rule!"

Casey is snoozing on the left, and Andy is unconscious on the right

The boys, however, are not to be outdone.  They prefer a more intellectual, left brain perch on which to doze.  My computer stand is the "cat's meow" for cat naps, in their opinion.  "Genie can have the cowgirls", they think, "cause we have the supreme resting place on top of this ultimate source of facts and information."

Casey, who is the youngest,  believes that if you are at peace with yourself, any place is a great place to curl up for a slumber.  The cold porcelain sink makes for a better quality nap by making him a "cool relaxed cat"!  He does tend to perk up, however, when a bright flash goes off in the middle of a wonderful snooze. He thinks to himself, "Just why is Mom disturbing my great nap with that light and then laughing about it?!"

Andy knows that you can't feel joyful and be loving if you are tired and troubled.  Inner peace is much easier to achieve after you have had "forty winks'', especially on Mom's good pillows that say "joy" and "love".

"Crescent Moon Clarity" © 1999   ~ colored marker drawing by Carol E. Fairbanks

"The natural movement of your inner world is toward wholeness, toward your center, and toward reconnection with your sacred self.  Allowing the inner world to reveal itself brings forth teachings, information, and sometimes suggestions and advice within the unfolding story."

                       ~ Jenny Garrison, Imagery in You, Mining for Treasure in Your Inner World

                           Crescent Moon Guidance

The only way that makes sense to move through a challenge, like a life threatening illness, is to view it as an opportunity to grow in awareness.  You find out very quickly just how much courage you have and what your values are, when you're in a survival mode.  You dig down deeply within the core of your inner most self and begin to "mine" the "gold" that you have stored there.  You give full attention to all the inner resources within you that have been waiting there patiently for just this kind of occasion. Through your fear and panic, you begin to see a way through this challenge, not right away, but gradually.  Just at the point, when you are sure you can't handle being afraid one more second, a sudden insight allows you to see the way in which you can. You will read something in a book or hear someone give a talk on the TV or radio,  and suddenly you are filled with a greater understanding of the purpose of your experience. Someone will call you and offer an opportunity that you never previously considered, and your life will open up in an unexpected way.  

I just had gone for my first 10 day yoga teacher training at Kripalu in Massachusetts, and  I was doing well in offering transpersonal art workshops from my Crescent Moon Creative Center.  Since I had retired from teaching public school, life was very good....and that happiness and peace, that often eluded me, seemed to offer itself to me very generously. When I returned from the yoga teacher training,  that happiness was quickly turned into fear and sadness, with a diagnosis of cancer.   I had to cancel my yoga training at Kripalu, and my Crescent Moon workshop schedule came to an abrupt end.

Along with the traditional treatment, I elected to do every kind of alternative therapy that felt right to me.  I did a fast forward training to become a Reiki Master, explored and made use of Louise Hay's healing affirmations in a support group, and created a lot of art, inspired by my inner creative source.  I supplemented my health care by consulting with a naturopath and an Ayurvedic doctor, and completely transformed my diet.  No frozen dinners for me...everything was prepared and cooked fresh and organic.  Self care went from being a "chocolate binge" to a wholesome diet, containing all the nutrients for which my body had been longing for years.  I remember cutting up vegetables in the kitchen, during those first months of change, and feeling totally deprived of life's goodies.  I would never ever enjoy myself ever again! (I can be quite dramatic when I want to!)  

Then the blessings started to come.  My initial yoga training gave me the skills to replace the invasive recovery exercise program, given to me by my doctor, with the wonderful, gentle yoga breathing and postures to help me recover in record time. After about six months of the best self care that my body could possibly imagine, my friend and owner of the Cincinnati Yoga School, Diane, called me and asked if I wanted to teach yoga.  In almost one single flowing movement, I went from being elated to feeling inadequate and defeated.  I told her sadly I thought I couldn't do it.

Diane said to me, "When I first asked you to be a teacher, how did you feel?" In thinking about it, I told her I felt joy and excitement.  She replied to me in a confident tone, "I think you should go with that initial feeling.  It is the one that is closer to your truth."

So, I said "Yes."  Because I had a teaching position, Kripalu also offered me a scholarship to return and finish my yoga teacher training, and I felt I was once again in the "land of the living."

The lessons that I learned, while recovering my sense of "wholeness" during that health challenge, are too numerous to talk about in this blog.  But it is enough to say that my perception of life and my relationship to everyone and everything was altered dramatically.  With new eyes, I saw opportunities that I had never seen before.  I embraced adventure to the extent that I moved across the United States by myself, just because I needed to push myself out of my comfort zone to see further into the depths of who I am.

"Crescent Moon Mystery" © 1999  ~ colored pencil
~ by Carol E. Fairbanks

I learned that things are not always "black and white" and was encouraged to surrender to and respect the mystery that is not visible to me. Just as in the crescent moon, there is a mysterious part in the darkness that I cannot always see.  It is still there and needing to be reckoned with, but because it is sometimes hidden, I need to trust an intuitive guidance that is revealed to me, as I need to know it.  Requiring trust, it is a knowing that goes beyond rational thought, and it defies explanation. And it often comes when it is least expected, like when Diane offered me a teaching position at her yoga school. 

So, as the story of my life continues to unfold, more is revealed to me with each and every experience.  Through the changes and tears, amidst the adventures and laughter, I continue to become more aware of all that I am.  Will I ever learn all there is to know about me?  Can one ever travel to the edge of an infinite starry space?  Not likely.  I will have to be content to be like the crescent moon... partly illuminated and visible... and partly in the mysterious darkness...that unknown territory yet to be explored.

"The Tree of Life" © 1999   ~ colored pencil by Carol E Fairbanks

"While there are many role models in society, for me, I look upon the trees!  By standing proud and simple upon the earth, they guide me to live in harmony with myself and with all of life."  

                                                           ~ from Advice From a Tree by Ilan Shamir

                                    Trees and Me

Earlier that year, I had been diagnosed with breast cancer. I was healing from the surgery and the incredible emotional trauma that accompanied it, as I sat in a chair waiting to be hooked up to a chemo bag, that looked deceptively benign.  The nurses were passing out cookies and Dum Dum suckers to the patients, as I clutched my supportive crystals and mandala journal.  Wrapped securely in my multicolored silk scarf, that was "charged" with Reiki healing energy, I quietly said "no" to the sugar-filled "goodies" that were offered to me while I waited.  An angry thought went through my mind that "hell" itself could be no worse than this senario.    

A nurse, who was trying to insert a needle into my arm, complained impatiently about my veins that seemed to be retreating, as she repeatedly probed in her search.  I wanted to tell her that actually most of me was in a major retreat mode!  When I was all hooked up and the flow of chemical was entering my body, I grabbed my colored pencils and was determined to image something other than the fear that was consuming me.  I had talked with some women patients who were back in treatment for their second and third time and listened to them as they expressed their hopes for a recovery this time.  One woman shared her distress about her doctors, who were arguing about how much of her body to "cut away" in a future surgery.  

I stubbornly willed all of this talk of fear to fade into the sterile atmosphere of the clinic, as I started to move my pencils across the black paper.  My intention was to draw an image of empowerment and wholeness.  With my pencils, I would transform this scary situation into one that pictured the truth of my perfection.  I would draw an image that revealed my God-created wholeness.  I would transform the medical treatment I was receiving into an opportunity to experience a flow of life force, as natural as the earth, herself.  I imagined the flow of chemicals, as the sap in a tree, that supports all the natural processes that manifests life itself.  Indeed, as these pictures were flowing through my veins, along with the chemicals, my attention began to focus on what was whole and right about my body.  I would survive this!

I hadn't intended to draw a tree that day in my mandala, but there is was in my drawing.  It wasn't the only tree, however, that "supported" my recovery.  On days when I felt better, I went for a walk in nature.

Me in my healing tree in Ohio  ~ 1999

In a wooded park on the east side of town, there was a tree that seemed almost magical.  It was a tree that had needles, like an evergreen, but in winter, those needles fell from its branches, like the leaves on broadleaf trees.  The low branches of this ancient-looking tree seem to beckon me and offer itself as a place to be nurtured.  I had read that Native Americans believed that if you sat with your back against the trunk of the tree and released the negativity you were experiencing, that dark energy would flow down through the trunk and the roots into Mother Earth.  Once in the earth, that dark energy could then be transformed into positive light energy and become a benefit to all.  Whether it was true or not mattered very little to me at the time.  Even the people walking through the park, who noticed a "strange woman" sitting in a tree, didn't bother me at all.  All I cared about was that I felt better, as this loving tree" held" me and "carried" away my pain and fear. I went and sat in that special tree many times that year, and each time I felt as if I were visiting a compassionate friend...a dear "mother" who would "tell" me that everything would be okay.

At Mt Pisgah Arboretum in Eugene, OR  ~ 2010

And that ancient-looking, magical tree was right.  Since that challenging healing experience about 14 years ago, I have been trained as a yoga teacher and taught yoga about 5 years, got certified as a decorative artist and taught classes and sold my art work and, the biggest adventure of all, I moved to Oregon. I have had many wonderful adventures hiking the northwest mountain and coastal trails, while the trees continue to nurture and support me. If I am stressed or confused, I go to the woods.  If I feel lonely, the woods is where I head.  If I need to hear that everything will be okay, there is always a caring tree to comfort me.

On the Clear Lake Trail in Oregon  ~ 2013

So, when things seem to be coming apart, there is always a tree with its lessons of truth, teaching the wisdom I need to survive...and ultimately, thrive.

On the McKenzie River Trail in Oregon  ~ 2013

And, if there is an obstacle that threatens my dreams, the trees will inspire me with the insight and courage I need to cross to the other side of it.

Me Hugging a Huge, Ancient Tree near Kentucky Falls in Oregon ~ 2008

Trees are rooted and grounded and very dependable.  They don't abandon you when you need them.  They have endured the "test of time" and inspire me to courageously stand tall and proud.  Trees shade us from the oppressive summer sun, cleanse the air we breathe to make it fresher and cleaner and provide countless homes for all kinds of living creatures.  They know how to bend and dance in the wind, be quiet in the winter and bring forth their gifts of beauty in the spring.  Yes, I am much more than a "tree hugger",  I am a "tree lover".  And I write this blog with unbounded gratitude for their generous gifts to me and to the world.

"Dress for Fun" © 2002 ~ charcoal drawing by Carol E. Fairbanks

"Fashion is not something that exists in dresses only.  Fashion is in the sky, in the streets.  Fashion has to do with ideas, the way we live...what is happening."

                                                                                              ~ Coco Channel

                                  Fashion Statement

In Silverton, OR ~  2013

A letter to Santa is not going to give me what I need right now, while I am moving through this transition.  Even though I am seeking support in making those new decisions, Santa, himself, I'm afraid, doesn't have what I need in his bag of gifts.  I am redefining, not only what I am, but uncovering the very idea of who I am.  That not only affects what I do, and who I do it with, but also, how I present myself to the world.  However, since my days of "impression management" are over, I simply do not have the energy to hold back that authentic self within me that needs (and maybe even, demands!)  to be expressed.

In the summer 2001, when I lived in Ohio and taught yoga, I went to Boulder, Colorado for a training in yoga therapy.  While I was there, my "wild woman" self dug her heels in and refused to go to the yoga training. After playing "hookey" from the yoga classes for a few days, I purchased some art supplies and joined a painting class instead.  I felt devilishly out of control, as I painted and drew and hiked in Boulder all summer.  My dreams were vivid, and my tears of release flowed liked the streams in the mountains, where I hiked. Living my truth and joy that summer, as a free spirit, was one of the happiest times of my life, and the bright orange dress I bought reflected that undisciplined fun I experienced.  To accompany my dress, I found a black velvet jacket, with a burnt orange collar, that seem to say, "Here I am world, ready or not!"  When I wore that outfit during that magical summer, I felt as "beautiful" as the magnificent scenery that surrounded me in Colorado. 

But that orange, Colorado, free-spirited dress no longer "fits" the woman I am today that is birthing within me. Right now, I am not sure of the "ideas" that are asking to be worn and displayed in this new life cycle of mine.  Should I dress as a cowgirl, whose independent ways of thinking are strong enough to challenge anything that might try to "bull" its way into her life?  How about dressing as a mountain woman who braves the primal  elements in a log cabin? Or maybe, I could don a pretty dress or suit and make use of my leadership and organizational skills!  

However I choose to live and dress, I know it must demonstrate the Truth of my reason for living now.  It needs to benefit the world with the supportive message of my life. All the changes that have happened, and, indeed, everything that will transpire, as I live out the rest of my life, is not accidental. I know that the world needs me, just as the world needs each one of us.  If any of us withholds our true self from the world and refuses to live and speak out our destiny, something will be missing that cannot be replaced. So, even though I am being "taken to the edge" so that I can more fully "see" who I am, I am choosing to stay conscious and be present for this self shattering experience.  And what will I wear? Who knows? Maybe my "outfit" will change on a daily basis, and it will necessary to keep my closet filled with lots of choices! All that has been hidden is now coming to the surface... to be "worn" and shown to the world, who needs me to be fully me.... and needs you to be fully you.  And I don't think that we need to dress alike to agree on that!  Even Santa knows how important it is to have the right outfit....one that says who you are and what you are about!  Maybe I should write that letter to Santa after all!

"An Appointment with Santa"  ~ 2010

Forget the letter... I am going to directly talk to a man who really knows how to dress in a way that sends his message to the whole world!  Ho, ho ho!

"A Pause to Reflect" © 2012  ~ watercolor by Carol E Fairbanks

"Mistakes are the usual bridge between inexperience and wisdom."

                                                                               ~ Phyllis Theroux

                        Crossing the Bridge to Understanding

"Summer Reflection" ©1973 ~ ink by Carol E Fairbanks

 It was the summer of 1973, and I was taking  art classes at the Art Academy of Cincinnati.  Playing at art was a departure from my usual job as an elementary teacher, and I was feeling really excited knowing that my only responsibility was to observe and draw what I saw.  Just being in Mt. Adams made me feel younger and more alive, and reconnected me with the hope I had felt when I was much younger.  As I was graduating from high school in 1960, my boyfriend and I came to Mt. Adams often, and I dreamed of getting an apartment and living in this very "cool" part of town.  To me it represented a chance to fulfill all my dreams for an exciting future as an adult.

But that did not happen.  After graduating from college, I married, had three children and, sadly, divorced before any of them were in school.  At the time of this ink drawing in Mt. Adams, I was alone raising my three children and teaching in a school district, which was beset by problems of racial tension caused by a state mandated merger of two school districts.  So, in the summer of 1973, I left all of that unhappiness and stress behind me and came back to Mt. Adams and to my the dream of how I imagined myself there.  Okay, it was just four mornings a week for the summer, but while I was here drawing, I was an artist in Mt. Adams, and that was very cool!  Drawing, while sitting on this hill by the Art Academy of Cincinnati overlooking these quaint townhomes, I felt happy again.  I wasn't exactly living my dream, but at least I could feel it for a few hours.

So here it is, forty years after I made this ink drawing, and I am once again exploring options in my life to manifest that elusive dream of happiness.  Now, I no longer believe that living in Mt. Adams will do it, and in fact, I am not looking at "where" to live, but rather "how" to live.  I have learned enough throughout my life to know that I will never find happiness by changing things on the outside, because the true source of feeling "cool" begins within... in my mind and in my heart.  As I have moved through those life experiences, some of them sad and frightening, I have turned that chaos into learnings about how life really works.  And those lessons have brought me awarenesses that have awakened wisdom in me, that I am using forty years later to move into another life phase.  

In "crossing" this present "bridge" of challenge and change in my life, I pause on the "bridge" to reflect on how I will make better choices this time.  I look at the images in my paintings, and I am reminded of the ways in which I have grown in my perception of a "self" that goes beyond my fear.  With courage, I have risen out of the ashes again and again.  Each time, I that have followed a new path, after the chaos of loss, illness or abandonment, I was once again renewed. As I have reinvented my life over and over,  I have discovered some truths that have expanded my vision of myself in this world.  With that growing wisdom, my art images are now "talking" to me of a timelessness and latent power yet to be recognized within.  As I take a "walk" through the years, while viewing my art imagery, I get a greater sense of the direction of my destiny.  So I pause and reflect on this present "bridge" and wonder, in this experience of release and letting go, what new adventure I am creating space for.  In anticipation, I move forward across this "bridge" toward greater understanding...and, perhaps, to that happiness!

Centennial Bridge in Cottage Grove   Spring, 2013