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| "Singing My Song" © 2011 ~ watercolor by Carol E. Fairbanks |
"When you dance to your own rhythm, life taps its toes to your beat." ~ Terri Guillemets
Through The Power of My Voice
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| "Through My Voice" © 2003 ~ crayon by Carol E Fairbanks |
Shakti Gawain, author of Creative Visualization, says that "every time, you don't follow your inner guidance, you feel a loss of energy, loss of power... a sense of spiritual deadness." And indeed, that is an accurate description of my journey throughout the past year. This Wild Woman Walker blog was born out of that silence of turning my back on my intuitive voice. For most of my life, I had been relentless in seeking a definition and approval of who I am from outside of myself.
To feel better physically and emotionally, I began to walk in nature. In my hikes through the woods and along the coast, I began connecting to that inner rhythm that was gently...and patiently, drumming within. In doing those treks through the beauty of nature, I began to move to my inner rhythm. Finally, feeling that rhythm underneath my frustration, I broke through that victimizing silence by first listening. And what I heard was a lot of anger, at myself, at others who were less than authentic and at the world. (Gosh, that pretty much encompasses everything!) Words erupted through that anger like molten lava,, and it burned away all that blocked the expression of my true self. Pretense and small talk became impossible and, initially, my self censorship that created the "masks" that I wore, was no longer operating, as it had in the past to create that illusionary self. I said to the world in my angry, stubborn child voice, "Here I am, like it or not!"
It should be no surprise to any reader of this blog, that my popularity waned and relationships fell like autumn leaves that are signaling the onset of a dark time of winter. Really what I was saying and, at times, exclaiming with incredible energy, was meant for my ears. All that I was raging and complaining about was about me and the changes I needed to make to awaken the power of my voice. Feeling the pain of my self-created isolation and loneliness, I began to write again.... in my personal journal, in the walking news articles that were published locally, and, finally, beginning in August, in this blog. I originally intended with this blog to write about the experience of my inspiring hikes throughout my Northwest home. But my inner "voice" saw this writing as an opportunity to be heard... to awaken me to my purpose... to give meaning and truth back to my life.
So in this 49th blog of my Wild Woman Walker series, I give honor and respect to my courageous "voice" that has inspired all this writing. My life is now "tapping its toes" to the "music" that emanates from my core self. And I am beginning to "dance" again...not to the sounds of another's truth, but rather to my own beliefs and values. In the midst of a season of impending dark winter, things are springing to life within me. As I allow my voice to gift the world with my uniqueness, buds are forming that indicating a time of healing awareness and expression. There is no controlling this emergence of self; the only part I am asked to play is one of grateful presence in this process. I show up and speak my truth... with love and compassion for all. I do not depend on a response of others to affirm my worthiness, as these are my unique words that express my inner song. Never again, will I try to live someone else's truth, nor will I expect anyone to live mine. But I believe that if each of us sings our own song, there will be a harmony on this planet Earth that will restore and balance all life that we long for. What a symphony that would be with the chorus of humanity harmoniously singing praises of creation!
Hermann Hesse sums up my newly felt awareness in his writing, Narcissus and Goldmund, as he writes, "We are the sun and the moon, dear friend; we are the sea and the land. It is not our purpose to become each other; it is to recognize each other, to learn to see each other and honor him (her) for what he (she) is: each the other's opposite and complement.". Are your toes tapping yet?
To feel better physically and emotionally, I began to walk in nature. In my hikes through the woods and along the coast, I began connecting to that inner rhythm that was gently...and patiently, drumming within. In doing those treks through the beauty of nature, I began to move to my inner rhythm. Finally, feeling that rhythm underneath my frustration, I broke through that victimizing silence by first listening. And what I heard was a lot of anger, at myself, at others who were less than authentic and at the world. (Gosh, that pretty much encompasses everything!) Words erupted through that anger like molten lava,, and it burned away all that blocked the expression of my true self. Pretense and small talk became impossible and, initially, my self censorship that created the "masks" that I wore, was no longer operating, as it had in the past to create that illusionary self. I said to the world in my angry, stubborn child voice, "Here I am, like it or not!"
It should be no surprise to any reader of this blog, that my popularity waned and relationships fell like autumn leaves that are signaling the onset of a dark time of winter. Really what I was saying and, at times, exclaiming with incredible energy, was meant for my ears. All that I was raging and complaining about was about me and the changes I needed to make to awaken the power of my voice. Feeling the pain of my self-created isolation and loneliness, I began to write again.... in my personal journal, in the walking news articles that were published locally, and, finally, beginning in August, in this blog. I originally intended with this blog to write about the experience of my inspiring hikes throughout my Northwest home. But my inner "voice" saw this writing as an opportunity to be heard... to awaken me to my purpose... to give meaning and truth back to my life.
So in this 49th blog of my Wild Woman Walker series, I give honor and respect to my courageous "voice" that has inspired all this writing. My life is now "tapping its toes" to the "music" that emanates from my core self. And I am beginning to "dance" again...not to the sounds of another's truth, but rather to my own beliefs and values. In the midst of a season of impending dark winter, things are springing to life within me. As I allow my voice to gift the world with my uniqueness, buds are forming that indicating a time of healing awareness and expression. There is no controlling this emergence of self; the only part I am asked to play is one of grateful presence in this process. I show up and speak my truth... with love and compassion for all. I do not depend on a response of others to affirm my worthiness, as these are my unique words that express my inner song. Never again, will I try to live someone else's truth, nor will I expect anyone to live mine. But I believe that if each of us sings our own song, there will be a harmony on this planet Earth that will restore and balance all life that we long for. What a symphony that would be with the chorus of humanity harmoniously singing praises of creation!
Hermann Hesse sums up my newly felt awareness in his writing, Narcissus and Goldmund, as he writes, "We are the sun and the moon, dear friend; we are the sea and the land. It is not our purpose to become each other; it is to recognize each other, to learn to see each other and honor him (her) for what he (she) is: each the other's opposite and complement.". Are your toes tapping yet?
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