"Emerging from the Darkness"  © 2010  ~ acrylic by Carol E. Fairbanks

                   

                                The Illumination of Darkness

 I am perfectly free to choose 

My own path through life,

But my mind senses fear

As I try to contemplate 

Thoughts of unrestricted choice.

I anxiously look the other way,

As my longing soul reaches out

To experience love without walls.

 My hands grope in the darkness

When I try to release myself

From my man-made prison.

What beliefs keep me here

In my confinement of doubt?

Why do I not escape 

When angels taunt me to dare?

I keep searching for answers

Whose questions are unasked.

And I hesitate as my dreams 

Threaten to consume me,

Like the hungry ambition 

That devours greedy men.

My solitary quest for freedom 

Asks for acts of courage

 Hidden in the shadow of my heart.

 Searching still for a light within,

I ignore those voices of fear.

Stubbornly refusing to live

In a dark, cold place 

where I see nothing.

©  2013   by Carol E. Fairbanks

It's 4 o'clock in the afternoon with rain coming down, and darkness is asking that all my electric lights be turned on.  On these kind of days, I can't seem to get enough light.  It's too similar to how I have been feeling lately. I know that chaos and darkness precede a breakthrough, and they usually lay a foundation for some significant growth about to happen. But even that knowledge doesn't seem to help, as I listen to the news that tells me that the US government has shut down due to disagreement and, as a result, all National Parks have been closed to the public. What has happened to our ideals?  And just where are our priorities? 

Unable (or unwilling) to answer those questions, I turn my attention to my own inner feelings of darkness. I seem to be at a choice point in several different, and major, areas of my life right now. The concerns of how I want to live and what values will act as a foundation of my choices are paramount in my mind. Presently, there seems to be no compromise for me about my living in harmony with those ideals. I know that things are not always going to be as I would like them to be, and that is not the issue.  It is rather that I often let discordant things happen around me without saying or doing anything about them.  That is where I shut down and disassociate from the core of my values.  And that, my friends, is a very dark place to be.

I believe this "darkness" I feel is a caring teacher, who guides me through the maze of my becoming. So without struggling against what is happening in my life at this time, I open to the "light" within the shadows that envelope me.  I am taking a "walk" on the dark side.

"Frozen Feelings" © 2005  crayon by Carol E Fairbanks

So, "hello, darkness, my old friend. I've come to talk with you again."
I am through masking my true feelings with rage.
I am finished abandoning what I hold dear.
I am here to listen to what you have to say.
What have you come to tell me?