The Wild Woman Walker: October 2013

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

" I want to encourage women to embrace their own uniqueness. Because just like a rose is beautiful, so is a sunflower, so is a peony. I mean, all flowers are beautiful in their own way, and that's like women too."

~ Miranda Kerr

Valuing Our Uniqueness

In our culture, our tendency is to make everything a contest. We contrast, compare and rank order achievements of people and, as we do so, we often lose the uniqueness of each person's expression in the process. When I taught elementary school, I saw how a few children who "won" at academic and athletic competitions got rewarded and felt "good" about themselves, while the majority of kids often felt less than, as they verbally discounted the value of their individual offerings.

One year, when I taught in public school, I coached a group of students who entered the Creative Problem Solving Bowl competition. The idea was that if this intellectual activity was made into a contest (like sports), kids would value it more and try harder. This was our first year of being involved with the bowl, and my group was competing against students who were more experienced with the problem solving and competitive process. My group had ranked high in the local district judging, and we went to the state competitive bowl. The creative results of some of the more experienced groups at the state bowl were amazing, due in part to their previous experience with creative thinking competitions. Rather than being proud of the achievement of going to the competitive bowl their first year, my group of 5th and 6th graders was devastated that they didn't place in the awards at the state level. No words of praise or encouragement on my part seem to speak louder than those trophies given out that day, and, sadly, they went home feeling like failures.

When this competitive approach is applied to creative expression, I believe the effects can be even more destructive. I taught art at the end of my teaching career in public school and found the confidence of students in art making and creative risk taking exhibited a marked decline as students got older. For example, when I placed a variety of art materials on the table and asked students to creatively use these materials to generate their own unique creation, the younger students were much more confident and successful than the older students. And the younger children in the primary grades ( 1 through 3) seemed to have a lot more fun and were very enthusiastic about the opportunity to be creative. They joyfully shared their incredibly unique creations with one another with very little judgement or criticism. The older children, progressively in each grade, demonstrated a very difficult time in taking risks and appeared to lack the confidence to even conceive creative ideas for the materials. The sixth graders, who were thoroughly used to needing the "right" answer, had the worst time of all, and some even refused to create anything. Those that did create something were very reluctant to share what they had made with others, and even some hid their creations, fearing harsh judgement from their peers. How did the children learn not to have confidence in their ability to be creative? Did the emphasis on testing and competitions that they experienced throughout their years in school play a part in this decline?

And our exposure to competitive experiences doesn't end with our years in school. Our culture places a lot of emphasis on judging who is the "best". A huge amount of money and time are involved with activities that promote comparing and judging. We seem to be addicted to the thrill of establishing our #1 ranking in many activities, from athletic sports to art making. As a result, we have developed a sense of separation from one another, both individually and in community. We often fear the "success" of others and view them as having the "power" to take our worthiness from us. We learn to judge each other's achievements as "good" or "bad" and often miss the deeper message of empowerment that those creations have for each of us. We have become a country of people that is alienated from our own creativity and uniqueness. I often hear adults say that they "hate art", and that they judge themselves as not being creative at all. The world is much less than it could be, when it is deprived of all of our unique expressions. Even the loss of one person's uniqueness makes a difference.

Given this tendency of our culture to be aggressively competitive and judgmental, it is no wonder that we evaluate and compare the outside appearance of one another. Our magazine covers often display photographs of those who are judged to be the prettiest, the sexiest, the richest or "you-name-it". The uniqueness of each person often gets lost in the race to be number one. If we gave more encouragement and honor to each person as a value to our community, it might be a very different world. Might there be less violence and hatred?

The quote at the beginning of this blog mentions women, but I feel what it says is very appropriate for both men and women. Seeing the value and beauty in different kinds of flowers might help us to recognize the inherent worth in one another. They say that "beauty is in the eye of the beholder." If we could also see that beauty in each person and mirror that essence back to them, might we not encourage a unique expression in all, rather than just a "talented" few? And wouldn't that bring greater joy and harmony to the whole world, with those radiant gifts of everyone's uniqueness? If we can see the love and beauty in a rose, can we not see it in one another?

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

" Mere colour can speak to the soul in a 1000 different ways."

~ Oscar Wilde

The Wonderful Message of Autumn

If color has the ability to soothe the emotions and bring harmony to the body, then my walks in the woods this autumn should have me glowing with vibrant life! To my amazement, before this fall, I had stored no photographs or paintings of autumn foliage in my I-photo files. So the photos I have taken this fall are a real gift to both my body and my soul....as well as a wonderful addition to my photo files! Never do I remember experiencing such dramatic color, nor do I recall feeling so emotional about seeing nature transform the landscape so beautifully.

Maybe we tend to notice such healing offerings from nature when we need it the most, as I do now in this time of letting go and change. I seem to be right in sync with Mother Nature, as she changes the trees in preparation for a letting go of last summer's growth. The activity of life is slowing down and preparing for a rest and renewal. It's time for us to incubate new ideas and dream of the possibilities that will take root after the winter rest, when we once again make "friends" with the sun.

Meanwhile, with all this wonderful sunshine illuminating this dazzling color of autumn, there is no need to contemplate the gray days of winter just yet! So I walk among this healing color and know, in my heart, that all is truly well in the world.... and with the daily news, that is sometimes frightening, we need all that color we can get!

Perhaps, this spectacular color is reflecting to us a beauty and order that we have forgotten in the midst of the concerns and challenges that seem to loom in our lives. Is Mother Nature telling us to contemplate an order and harmony that lies below those appearances that we stress so much about? Would it be better to focus more on what is "right" rather than what is "wrong"? When I walk in such beauty, I feel that harmony, and a sense of peace helps me to sense being an integral part of that grand scheme of nature. When I feel that connection, a sense of urgency leaves me, and gratitude replaces my fear....love replaces resentment ...and a faith in goodness fills my soul.

The gift of the seasons is that we are reminded that there is a time for everything, and now appears to be a time for celebrating life... for knowing that our true "colors" are sometimes hidden beneath our need to always "know" ... and that by moving into a period of rest and silence, we can allow that authentic beauty of our "colors" to surface and radiate our needed gifts to the world.

When I am turning all the lights on in my home in the middle of a gray, rainy winter day, I will remember these wonderful lessons of my colorful fall walks in the woods. I will close my eyes and see those reds, and oranges and yellows, as they awaken the "sunshine" in me. And perhaps my inner light will brighten a corner of the world in the midst of our slowing down this winter.

Monday, October 21, 2013

"When you dance to your own rhythm, life taps its toes to your beat." ~ Terri Guillemets

Through The Power of My Voice

Shakti Gawain, author of Creative Visualization, says that "every time, you don't follow your inner guidance, you feel a loss of energy, loss of power... a sense of spiritual deadness." And indeed, that is an accurate description of my journey throughout the past year. This Wild Woman Walker blog was born out of that silence of turning my back on my intuitive voice. For most of my life, I had been relentless in seeking a definition and approval of who I am from outside of myself.

To feel better physically and emotionally, I began to walk in nature. In my hikes through the woods and along the coast, I began connecting to that inner rhythm that was gently...and patiently, drumming within. In doing those treks through the beauty of nature, I began to move to my inner rhythm. Finally, feeling that rhythm underneath my frustration, I broke through that victimizing silence by first listening. And what I heard was a lot of anger, at myself, at others who were less than authentic and at the world. (Gosh, that pretty much encompasses everything!) Words erupted through that anger like molten lava,, and it burned away all that blocked the expression of my true self. Pretense and small talk became impossible and, initially, my self censorship that created the "masks" that I wore, was no longer operating, as it had in the past to create that illusionary self. I said to the world in my angry, stubborn child voice, "Here I am, like it or not!"

It should be no surprise to any reader of this blog, that my popularity waned and relationships fell like autumn leaves that are signaling the onset of a dark time of winter. Really what I was saying and, at times, exclaiming with incredible energy, was meant for my ears. All that I was raging and complaining about was about me and the changes I needed to make to awaken the power of my voice. Feeling the pain of my self-created isolation and loneliness, I began to write again.... in my personal journal, in the walking news articles that were published locally, and, finally, beginning in August, in this blog. I originally intended with this blog to write about the experience of my inspiring hikes throughout my Northwest home. But my inner "voice" saw this writing as an opportunity to be heard... to awaken me to my purpose... to give meaning and truth back to my life.

So in this 49th blog of my Wild Woman Walker series, I give honor and respect to my courageous "voice" that has inspired all this writing. My life is now "tapping its toes" to the "music" that emanates from my core self. And I am beginning to "dance" again...not to the sounds of another's truth, but rather to my own beliefs and values. In the midst of a season of impending dark winter, things are springing to life within me. As I allow my voice to gift the world with my uniqueness, buds are forming that indicating a time of healing awareness and expression. There is no controlling this emergence of self; the only part I am asked to play is one of grateful presence in this process. I show up and speak my truth... with love and compassion for all. I do not depend on a response of others to affirm my worthiness, as these are my unique words that express my inner song. Never again, will I try to live someone else's truth, nor will I expect anyone to live mine. But I believe that if each of us sings our own song, there will be a harmony on this planet Earth that will restore and balance all life that we long for. What a symphony that would be with the chorus of humanity harmoniously singing praises of creation!

Hermann Hesse sums up my newly felt awareness in his writing, Narcissus and Goldmund, as he writes, "We are the sun and the moon, dear friend; we are the sea and the land. It is not our purpose to become each other; it is to recognize each other, to learn to see each other and honor him (her) for what he (she) is: each the other's opposite and complement.". Are your toes tapping yet?

Saturday, October 19, 2013

Lunar Light Lessons

"A lunar eclipse gives us a chance to work out what we want, what's working, what's not and to turn and move in the direction that we want to go."

~ Dr. Kelly Neff

During the last several days, I have gone out on late afternoon walks to photograph the gorgeous fall foliage. In my leisurely meanderings on these warm, sunny days, I have noticed the full moon coming up above the autumn reds and oranges of the trees, as the bright sun was still shining. As the sky changed to a darker blue with the sun slowly descending in the sky, the full moon became more iridescent, illuminating the horizon with a luminescence that caught my roving photographer's eye. I never thought I could capture the moon with my Canon auto camera, but since the delete button is so handy, I thought I would give it a try. The light of that luminous orb drew me in, as it had never done before, and it seemed to compel me to take as many pictures of it as I could. My intention for my walks had been to shoot the vibrant fall colors, so getting these moon photos was completely unexpected. It was most certainly one of those so-called "happy accidents". Or was it?

When I took those photos, I had no idea of the lunar eclipse, nor the claims of lunar energies and how they are supposed to affect the elements and living things on the Earth. And I do not know if those lunar energies influenced me in any way in motivating me to take those pictures, but nevertheless, I think it is very interesting that I was drawn to do so. Hey, the moon was so brilliant and stunning, why wouldn't I have noticed it?

Something else that is very curious is how these astrological experts have described the effects of those lunar energies upon the earth and her inhabitants. In my life right now, I am going through some major changes that are requiring some letting go of people and beliefs that haven't worked for me for quite some time. After months of challenging emotional depression and frustration for most of this year, suddenly October whisks in, sweeping away those "webs" that were keeping me bound up. These changes have happened so suddenly, that it is almost surreal.....kind of like the energy of Halloween! Elizabeth Peru in her blog site says of this lunar eclipse, "What was blocked will become open. The energy is about release and renewal on all levels." Dr. Kelly Neff also agreed by writing in her blog, "This full moon and lunar eclipse brings intense and powerful energies to clear space and walk away from that which does not serve your greatest good."

Whether it is merely an interesting coincidence or the lunar energies at work on me, is really not that important to me. How I move through these life changes is. In either case, all of the advice on how to react to those life changes that are happening seems very helpful. Peru urges that "we jump on all of our opportunities over the next two to three weeks." She believes that "the sooner we act on what is 'good' for us, the better, as eclipses have a habit of forcing the hand of what no longer serves us, for us! So whatever is not cleared in this lunar eclipse, might very well be "whisked away" during the next lunar eclipse that will happen in November! Earth Mother seems to be doing some needed "housecleaning"!

Neff advises us to "send our intent towards letting go, releasing and stepping forward on our journey, and to do this being "thankful for these abundant energies and opportunities". Peru says that it is "a hugely positive period where we are being asked to run (or in my case, walk) with our truth." And we will "find doors wide open when we do so with trust in our hearts." It's not bad advice, whether the full moon and her eclipses are helping us along or not. As for me, I plan to consider these wise "lunar lessons", as I continue to enjoy the radiant beauty of our beautiful autumn moon.

Friday, October 18, 2013

"Our biological rhythms are the symphony of the cosmos, music embedded deep within us to which we dance, even when we can't name the tune."

~Deepak Chopra

Dancing to the Beat of my Drum

Woodpecker flies in and asks you, "Are you drumming and creating your own beat.....one that aids in your ability to find deeper meanings and hidden qualities of events in your life? Are you moving to your own rhythm, that resonates with the very heartbeat and cycles of the Earth? And do you stay grounded while allowing those patterns of nature to guide and nurture you?

The woodpecker is tapping out its message to you saying, "Listen! You have the power of rhythm in your blood. You are now returning to your roots, so trust your gut feelings to reveal your truth."

As the woodpecker's home is within a tree, which is a symbol of a womb, earthy and secure, so you are called to return to connect with Earth Mother and protect, with determination, that which is sacred. It is a call for you to return to your roots, to the womb where your unique ideas are being formed. Woodpecker says, "Now is the time to use your intellect and discernment, in harmony with your heart, to follow through with your plans. and new endeavors. Listen, can you hear the beat?"

There is a new rhythm playing for you that is drumming out a new opportunity....the woodpecker is tapping your rhythm into awareness...feel your music....... and start dancing now!

Monday, October 14, 2013

" Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear."
~ Ambrose Redmoon

Support for My Journey

Having enough courage to support me through the life changes that shake up my existence cannot be willed forth. It must come naturally out of the core beliefs I hold about my life and the part I play in my service to the whole of creation. As long as I am "jousting" with that external "enemy" and relishing my role as "victim", the courage I need for those events, that evolve my soul, will continue to elude me. Author, Wayne Dyer, says in his writings that most of us are "looking for occasions where we can be offended." He believes that "we bond ourselves to our wounds, and that we would fare much better if we gave up our personal history", that often says that we are unloveable, poor, and victimized by our life experience. In response, we often either choose to fight in anger, run in flight or freeze our hearts so that no one can touch us.

That strategy, as it plays out, is not the true senario of who we are, but it might as well be, because it prevents us from seeing the rich opportunities of love and prosperity that offer themselves to us in the present. Rather than deciding to fight, flee or freeze, we can choose to go with the flow and shift our attention from all thoughts of limitation and separation to those empowering thoughts that bring forth the fullest potential in each one of us!. That power within from which we create is, in fact, limitless, because we are always connected to that Source that created us. All spiritual wisdom traditions confirms this, stating that all the attributes of the Creator are within each of us. We hear about our spiritual soul, give "lip service" to God's blessings and grace, and are taught to see that "good" in greeting others with "Namaste". ("I honor that Light within you!) But until we move that awareness from our "heads" down to our "hearts", we stay bound to those old wounds of the past. And that, my friends, will influence greatly just what will continue to "waltz" into your life... over and over again.... giving your heart one opportunity after another to finally open to a truer way of believing.

Wayne Dyer in Ten Secrets for Success and Inner Peace, says that we would be much happier ...and courageous... if we would "treasure our divinity and seek out our connection our Source, instead of being terrified by it." The words of Marianne Williamson, made famous in a speech by Nelson Mandela, tell us, "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us."

If that is true, then it is no wonder that we at times appear to lack access to our courage. If we are frightened of and deny that wellspring of courage within, then how can we possibly make use of it when we need it. Williamson states that we can repair that severed lifeline "by refusing to play small and start acting as if we were, indeed, that child of God that we are." She further says, "As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same." Now what a world that would be with the illumination of all the "light"!

I believe this is our true destiny... a world where everyone lets their true light shine brightly. And as those higher vibrations of goodness and love lighten up the dark corners of our world, one heart at a time, we will finally have the wisdom we need to judge what is really important and ultimately connect with each other, as lovingly as our Creator "connects" with us. Together, believing and acting in that truth, is where we can find our courage.

Sunday, October 13, 2013

"Being love, rather than giving or taking love, is the only thing that provides stability."

~ Ram Dass

Looking for Solid Ground

"Watching Change" © ~ crayon by Carol E Fairbanks

When you have lived as long as I have and have observed the inevitable sweeping changes of life, it is comforting to contemplate the Zen saying that says, "Life is change - change is stability." Over and over, I am continually reinventing my perception of who I am, as those life experiences reveal more about my true self. As these revelations unfold, the negative beliefs, that cloud and block the good I seek, also fall away, like leaves on an autumn tree. My life becomes more aligned with that natural flow of goodness and love, that is always available to everyone.

So, there is constant change and movement in our lives, because there is always more to be revealed. Our learning is not a destination, but rather it is a journey..... a path of opportunities for growing beyond the perceived limitations that cause us suffering and pain. The purpose of our soul self is to guide us to that foundation of knowing that aligns us with the very nature of the Divine. At that place, we become the love we seek. We become all the good things that seem to elude us in the midst of our struggle. Suddenly, the opportunities that we seek are at our doorstep offering their blessings.

But since there might be rocks on our path in getting to that place of alignment, we can become discouraged and yield to heavy feelings of defeat. Inspiration is needed to stay open to our truth and not allow the lies of the appearances in our life to become our belief system. Seeking a solid ground of true knowledge that will support us in our evolution of becoming is our best focus. This will help us find ways of wading through our stagnant emotions toward the open air where the ideas of goodness are fresh and moving.

The world was created with everything we need for that hero's journey, and we can make use of that guidance by using ancient indigenous wisdom. Ted Andrews, in his book, Animal Speak, tells us of the lessons of stability that are offered by the heron. Its long legs, that allow it to wade and hunt in deeper water, mirror back to us our ability to delve into the depths of our inner life. And we don't need massive legs to do this... we are only required to stand up on our own legs, which are enough for us. The heron invites us to follow our own path, guided only by our innate wisdom with self determination. This is not a rigid path that resists change, but rather it is the "heron" path of adapting to those varied and trying circumstances that our life presents to us.

We have the ability to progress and evolve, as we rename our "troubles" learning experiences and allow that latent life force within us to grow strong and vigorous in spite of our challenges. Through those adverse appearances, that can jar us into a knowledge of who we truly are, we are slowly, but surely, moving through that marshland of murky emotions to a clearer and fresher vision of our destiny. Lifting off, like a bird in flight, from that solid ground of true self knowledge, we can finally rise out of that grassy marsh which seems to bog us down. Now we are able to fly above our fears to those heights we dream about, at last, making them a realty. And then we can experience the greatest love which is to be who we really are.

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

"Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future."

~ Paul Boese

A Foundation for the Future

When I heard the story of a blind native American woman, Amanda De-Cuys, who was forced by the U.S army soldiers, to leave her daughter at Coos Bay and march, with dozens of members of the Coos and Lower Umpqua tribes to a reservation in Yachats, I felt dismayed. This was still another injustice, in addition to the many I learned of when I lived in Colorado, against an original people who were native to this country of ours. Forced to leave her home, the barefoot Amanda walked about 80 miles along a trail of rough, ragged, volcanic rock to the Alsea Sub-agency, where she and many others were interred. In his journal, Army Corporal Royal Bensell, who accompanied them, wrote, "Amanda, who is blind, tore her feet horribly over these ragged rocks, leaving blood sufficient to track her by."

The life at the sub-agency, where they were brought, was extremely difficult for the Coos and Lower Umpqua natives, that had been unjustly driven from their homes in 1864. Since they were hunter and gatherers, they were not prepared and lacked the skills to cultivate and grow crops within the small confines of the reservation, as the U.S. army expected them to. Historical statistics show that about 300, approximately half of the "Siwash" (coastal natives) died in just ten years at the Alsea Sub-agency. There is no record of what happened to Amanda.

This story is not only the torture and murder of Native American people, but is also an account of the murdering of their culture. Even though that account evokes anger and sadness, and rightly so, no amount of blaming and finding fault will ever change the past or repair the effects of that outrage that might exist, even yet today. What is one to do with such a sorrowful memory? How can we "cleanse" our land of such hatred and bigotry?

The people of Yachats have found a wonderful way to remember and help heal the pain that took place in that tragedy in 1864. In the midst of the beauty of the coastal woods overlooking the timeless waves of the Pacific Ocean, they blazed a trail in honor of Amanda and the other native people that suffered the terrible loss of their homes. It started out to be a nice path to the coastal summit of Cape Perpetua and evolved into the 3.2 mile Amanda Trail under the leadership and work of Lloyd Collett, a forest ranger who initiated the project in the 1970's. Later Joanne and Norman Kittel, with their donation of land, expanded the trail to continue to the northern edge of Yachats.

The Amanda Trail, which commemorates the memory of Amanda and her people with a beautiful stone statue, was dedicated in 2009 and continues to be worked on by many volunteers. David Petrie, cultural director of the Confederated Tribes of Coos, Lower Umpqua and Siulaw Indians says, "This community has opened the door to finding common ground between two cultures in a very respectful way." Joanne Kittel says one of the most important goals in building the Amanda Trail, "Was to tell the truth. It's as important as getting the trail completed, if not more important." Kittel feels that ,"This story is not an aberration of Indian history; it is a microcosm of what happened all over North America." She believes that in speaking the truth about what happened, the Amanda Trail has become a symbol of those historic events.

And hiking this trail, marked with those memories of Amanda and her people, gives all people an opportunity to contemplate those events and, maybe even, help to build a consciousness for more compassion and respect for all people. Visitors come from all over to walk the trail and leave gifts at Amanda's statue. Kittel says, "They play music, meditate and pray." When I hiked the Amanda Trail and walked across the bridge, where the statue of Amanda proudly stands upon a large stone tear, I felt Amanda's sorrow. But I also experienced hope in this pristine natural area that reveals a history that must never be repeated.

At the gathering of the dedication of the trail, Chief Warren Brainard of the Confederated Tribes of the Coos, Lower Umpqua and Siuslaw Indians offered this prayer - "May this day be a journey of the heart, a quest of the spirit, and a calming of the soul." And so forgiveness is enlarging the capacity our hearts to care, while ensuring a better understanding of one another. Along with building a trail that takes you along the most beautiful scenery in this country, we are also laying the foundation for a better future.....one where the rights and value of all people are honored.

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

"Take time to 'coast" and 'sea' life's beauty."

~ Sandi Strecker

"Resting on the Rocks"

One of the most challenging messages that I have read is from the ancient wisdom of the Hopi Elders. That message says to "not take anything personal, and, least of all, ourselves." Oraibi, an Oneida brother from the Arizona Hopi Nation, has written in his Message from Hopi Elders, " The moment we start taking things personal, our spiritual growth and journey come to a halt." His challenge for us is to "gather ourselves and banish the word 'struggle' from our attitude and our vocabulary." He further suggests that "all that we do now must be done in a sacred manner and in celebration."

When life gets a bit "rocky" with life's disappointments, not perceiving the actions of someone else, who is close to you, in a personal way, seems rather impossible. The immediate reaction of the heart is one of pain and sadness. Grief leads its way to anger, and that anger creates a denial of our power to manifest our own happiness. We struggle with what someone else has done and let it transform our sacred journey into a path that is full of rocks. Indeed, that choice is always ours about allowing that to happen. So, when life brings a big disappointment, how can we stop that river of sadness from eroding our sacred path into a rocky trail that makes us stumble?

One of the great things about living in Oregon, is that you can always go to the beach! There is nothing like a "coast fix" to put your priorities straight. The endless rhythm of waves puts you in touch with a truth about your life that often gets lost in the story you are telling yourself about what seems to be so disappointing. Suddenly, what you saw as an ending, is really a new beginning....a sunrise on the horizon that offers the promise of a new day. Finally, you can let go of your expectations and see the beauty of where you are on your life's path. The rocks become sparkling jewels of sand, as your true way beckons you to walk on. And, as you embark, in a sacred manner, on that new beginning, you will understand Oraibi's final line in his message. He claims, "(You) are the one (you) have been waiting for."

At last, you can "sea" this truth in your heart, as you walk that celebration of you.

Friday, October 4, 2013

"The beautiful journey of today can only begin when we learn to let go of yesterday."

~ Steve Maraboli,

Unapologetically You - Reflections on Life and the Human Experience

Lighten Up!

When our feelings tell us that changes are needed, the first thing we usually do is to focus on making new decisions about our work, home, relationships or leisure activities. Sometimes, we even think that altering our physical appearance would help us feel better. And occasionally, changing all of that does make us happier....for a while. Why don't those outside changes have a more lasting effect?

Two reasons - one is that, since "change is the only constant", we always need to be continually making new choices to meet the demands of our growth and personal evolution. The second is that real significant change, one that truly honors our life destiny, has to be made within our mind and heart first.... at the core of our belief system. In fact, until the change in our belief happens within, that new appearance we create on the outside will always gravitate back to reflect our old inner belief. That is why "history seems to repeat itself" in our lives, and we sometimes look at our present circumstance and say, "I don't believe this situation is in my life again!" Well, the the truth is that you do believe it.. even though it might be at a level beneath your conscious awareness. So is it possible to change a pattern if we might not be aware of?

With persistent soul searching and unrelenting honesty about what we believe, together with a responsible acceptance of the creative role we play in manifesting our life, it is possible to make those changes within our heart and mind. But making an inner assessment of our patterns of thinking, derived from our belief system, which is usually apparent through the people, places and things that surround us, can sometimes be painful or, at least, uncomfortable. And bailing out when that process exceeds our comfort zone is not uncommon. However, author and psychologist, Pia Melody, writes, "When your pain gets greater than your fear, then you will do what you need to do to get better." Okay, when your "pain" "shouts" loud enough so that you finally can't ignore it, how can you stay committed to your growth and change, while doing this "fire walk" that "burns away" those old ways of thinking?

We need to do what artist, Mary Engelbreit, says, "Put the "fun" back in disfunctional"! And how can one make such life changes "fun", especially in the midst of personal pain and discomfort? Feelings are energy, and when they get trapped in our muscles and body organs, like when our stomach hurts when we hold onto anger, our body talks back ...loud and clear. By moving that negative energy out of our body through some mindful activity, like walking, Tai Chi or yoga, we can free our body of the long term effects of such trapped negative energy. Really, any kind of noncompetitive movement along with conscious breathing is very helpful. Meditation, journaling and/or transpersonal art can also help you experience those feelings, as they "rock 'n roll" their way out of your mind and body. Understanding the process of growth that one is going through is very helpful in staying committed to that sometimes very challenging experience.

What's on the other side of this "mountain" of challenge? Is it worth the "climb"? For one thing, when you get to the "top", you always have a broader view of your life. As the "fog" of illusions separates, you can begin to see everything in a clearer perspective, giving you an opportunity to make better choices for the future. And most importantly, to make that "climb", you had to lighten up and let go of some "baggage" that was weighing you down and sapping your life force. At this point, replacing those old discarded beliefs with new growth-supporting affirmations will begin to anchor a more positive system of belief in your mind, which, in turn, reflects in your feelings and, as a bonus, manifests in your outside life!

How do I know all of this? I am living it...right now...as I write this blog.....as I let my art "speak" to me....as I "lighten up" in my ascent......in my not so "disfunctional", and hopefully, adventuresome quest for a better life. Towanda!

Thursday, October 3, 2013

"Plans to protect air and water, wilderness and wildlife are, in fact, plans to protect man."
~ Stewart Udall, politician, author and former Secretary of the Interior

On the Verge of Awakening

Things are not always as they seem. Our life can appear to be falling apart, when it's really a new beginning that is being birthed. It's emergence can be hinting of wonderful things that are "sprouting" above the limitations that we impose on our vision, but most of the time we are only looking at the things that are fading away. Usually our growth, individually and collectively, doesn't happen with our cheering it on. That evolution of growth, that happens when the conditions are "right", is often viewed as "terrible", "sad", and every other fearful word that one can think of. But with that threat of loss, comes an energy in us that propels us to an action that finally honors the truth that is becoming visible.

Maybe it is not such a "bad" thing that the National Parks have been closed by a discordant group of governing people (that we elected!). With this event in the news, maybe we can finally see the true value that our parks are to our lives and our country..... and even to the world! One thing is for sure...this really has gotten everyone's attention! And hopefully, this denial of access to our valuable National Parks will awaken in everyone's heart how precious they are. Unfortunately, it is only when we appear to "lose" what we value that we finally wake up and start really fighting for it.... with money, action and voice!

My pencil drawing, "Call to Awaken" was created at a mandala retreat on Whidbey Island in Washington in 1999. It was the year of incredible change for me, as I was recovering from a "life threatening" illness that was forcing me to reassess my entire life. The illusions of what I thought was important were falling away and being replaced with another, truer version of what my incarnation meant. The saying, "what doesn't "kill" me will strengthen me" inspired me to rise above my fear and seek out a new definition of myself and my world. So, I went to the mandala teacher training retreat, appearing to have "lost" myself, and at the end of that wonderfully creative week, where my imagery revealed a greater truth to me, I was dancing and laughing.

The birthing of the new, which is inevitable, happens in spite of our efforts to hold onto the outdated versions that threaten to limit us and sabotage our growth. The birth does not "happen" in our heads, though; it happens rather in our hearts. Dorothy Day, whose life was changed dramatically through her heart, said. "The greatest challenge of the day is: how to bring about a revolution of the heart, a revolution which has to start with each one of us."

So whatever the change is that awakens and opens our heart, it then becomes the channel of the new way of thinking and being. That new reality of the heart always opens us to the truth of oneness....of human, animal, plant and mineral... of oneness of all of creation. When we awaken to that truth, one heart at a time, we will at last move away from that consciousness of separation and competition. We will finally know that the care of our environment is an act of love for ourselves. And we are all on the verge of that awakening. We are being called now to "wake up" and "see" that new vision, and we can do this with great chaos and struggle or with cooperative loving hearts. The choice is ours.

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

The Illumination of Darkness

I am perfectly free to choose

My own path through life,

But my mind senses fear

As I try to contemplate

Thoughts of unrestricted choice.

I anxiously look the other way,

As my longing soul reaches out

To experience love without walls.

My hands grope in the darkness

When I try to release myself

From my man-made prison.

What beliefs keep me here

In my confinement of doubt?

Why do I not escape

When angels taunt me to dare?

I keep searching for answers

Whose questions are unasked.

And I hesitate as my dreams

Threaten to consume me,

Like the hungry ambition

That devours greedy men.

My solitary quest for freedom

Asks for acts of courage

Hidden in the shadow of my heart.

Searching still for a light within,

I ignore those voices of fear.

Stubbornly refusing to live

In a dark, cold place

where I see nothing.

It's 4 o'clock in the afternoon with rain coming down, and darkness is asking that all my electric lights be turned on. On these kind of days, I can't seem to get enough light. It's too similar to how I have been feeling lately. I know that chaos and darkness precede a breakthrough, and they usually lay a foundation for some significant growth about to happen. But even that knowledge doesn't seem to help, as I listen to the news that tells me that the US government has shut down due to disagreement and, as a result, all National Parks have been closed to the public. What has happened to our ideals? And just where are our priorities?

Unable (or unwilling) to answer those questions, I turn my attention to my own inner feelings of darkness. I seem to be at a choice point in several different, and major, areas of my life right now. The concerns of how I want to live and what values will act as a foundation of my choices are paramount in my mind. Presently, there seems to be no compromise for me about my living in harmony with those ideals. I know that things are not always going to be as I would like them to be, and that is not the issue. It is rather that I often let discordant things happen around me without saying or doing anything about them. That is where I shut down and disassociate from the core of my values. And that, my friends, is a very dark place to be.

I believe this "darkness" I feel is a caring teacher, who guides me through the maze of my becoming. So without struggling against what is happening in my life at this time, I open to the "light" within the shadows that envelope me. I am taking a "walk" on the dark side.

So, "hello, darkness, my old friend. I've come to talk with you again."
I am through masking my true feelings with rage.
I am finished abandoning what I hold dear.
I am here to listen to what you have to say.
What have you come to tell me?

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

"How hard to realize that every camp of men or beast has this glorious starry firmament for a roof! In such places standing alone on the mountaintop, it is easy to realize that whatever special nests we make - leaves and moss, like the marmots and birds, or tent or piled stone - we all dwell in a house of one room - the world with the firmament for its roof - and are sailing the celestial spaces without leaving any track."
~ from John of the Mountains: The Unpublished Journals of John Muir (1938)

Looking Upward

We need to look up more...to the celestial heavens that tell us who we really are....to the infinite spaces that reflect back our origin as spiritual beings. We have a responsibility, not only to care for our planet Earth, but are also entrusted with the care of the far reaches of space. Who really knows how many different forms of life are affected by the way we pollute and challenge our planet? We are part of the Milky Way, and there are countless galaxies that orbit through that mass of celestial bodies. Even if there are no other beings that we presently know about, shouldn't we still think in a responsible way about those other stars and planets that are hurling through space?

Just contemplating the incredible vastness of space, and considering what we're told about its never ending nature, our perspective of our relationship to ourselves and to one another is likely to change. And I am moving way beyond a "love of country" and even a "global oneness" when I say that. Perhaps, at this time, when we are so focused on problems in our communities and our countries, we would benefit from expanding our vision of ourselves to that of one planet, among millions and millions of heavenly bodies that are "sailing through those celestial spaces."

When I saw, at the I-Max theater, those ethereal 3-D photos taken from the Hubble telescope, the feelings I felt in viewing such color and magnificent beauty were beyond words. Astronauts, that have been in outer space and viewed this "starry firmament" from another perspective, have also expressed words that almost convey a spiritual experience. Kathy Sullivan, the first U.S. woman to walk in space, said, "It was one of the great delights and memories for me.... I felt like I was seeing, woven together, the power and scale of the entire world."

There is something in us...a truth deep within our consciousness...that is awakened when we are witnesses to such beauty. Author Carl Sagan declared that "we are made of star stuff", and we experience that "star" essence when we are witness to those scenes from outer space. So we need to "dance", not only for the earth, but for the sky also. That brings a better balance to our thinking when we are challenged with finding solutions to care for our planet, and it broadens our vision to be better stewards of the cosmos, as well. This wisdom has been known for quite some time. Plato summed it up, back in 342 BCE when he wrote in The Republic, "Astronomy compels the soul to look upward and leads us from one world to another." Perhaps we need that transcendent thinking through "looking upward" toward the heavens even more today!