"The Source"  © 2009  ~  crayon drawing by Carol E. Fairbanks

"The purpose of art is to lay bare the questions which have been hidden by the answers."  

                                                                                                    ~ James Baldwin

                                       Living the Questions

"Revelation" © 2001  ~ ink and acrylic by Carol E Fairbanks

In 2001, when I was moving past white-knuckle surviving toward exploring new life-giving options for my journey, I spent the summer in Boulder, Colorado.  In my little apartment in Chautauqua, near the base of the Flatirons, I explored what was left of me, after the challenge of illness had released me from its fearful grip.  By day, I connected to the beauty of nature in this vibrant town near the Rockies, and I created spontaneous art images with paint and pencil by night.  I had taken a course in oriental brush painting at Naropa with Bob Wing, and I was beginning to explore this free spirited method of imaging in my temporary Colorado home.  

After meditating on a certain word, I quickly and briefly painted an image with ink. Magically, the image I painted seem to consistently reveal something about the word upon which I meditated.  In the above brush painting, after contemplating on the word, "revelation", a figure similar to a question mark "danced" from my brush. With further consideration of this created image, the words, "The questions guide the way" came to my mind.  And finally, I was inspired to write "Answers are within the question".  Was a wiser part of myself saying that to find the answers I was seeking, I needed to begin asking a lot more questions? 

It is very humbling to focus on asking questions rather than to be extolling platitudes of personal philosophy.  There is a quality of surrender when you can say, "I don't know".... when you can be still and empty yourself of expectations... when you can quietly wait for the revelation that you have been frantically seeking.  Asking questions can do that.  They put things into proper perspective and bring balance to our sometimes self destructive need to control our lives.  In asking questions, we learn to trust in a benevolence greater than we are, and increased trust means more peace in our hearts.

One reason I love art making so much is that it inspires me to look beyond those "answers" I hold onto, especially when they are not working for me any more. My created images through the years have supported and guided me on my path, in releasing my old outdated illusions and celebrating with me, as I welcomed those newer more wholesome beliefs.  My art tells me who I really am, moving me beyond my fear and grief.  It expands my vision, revealing a person that I never thought possible. It brings forth a courage to be authentic and behave as my true self.  When life on the outside appears empty and unfulfilling, those images mirror back a truth of my journey that asks me to reconsider my limited perceptions.  And my "answers" are there ... right in the midst of the "questions" that my art presents to me.

But those questions do not need to be worked with great effort. The blessing is that you can "live your way into the answer".  Rainer Maria Rilke says, "Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves....Don't search for answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them."  She says that with merely resolving to be with those questions, you can gradually live your way into those answers you seek.  So those questions can guide your intentions and choices. And just being open to receiving the answers to your questions, will awaken you from your slumber..... inspiring you to live the life you seek.