"Alone"  © 2001 ~ watercolor by Carol E. Fairbanks

" I watch and am alone as a sparrow upon the rooftop."  Psalms  102:7

                                "Looking for Connection"

"Solitary" © 2010 ~ crayon by Carol E Fairbanks

There are times when I feel like I am connected to nothing. I am alone with only the awareness of my utter solitude to keep me company. It feels real, yet I read words written by many wise teachers that say this sense of aloneness is just an illusion.  They write of the reality, where we indeed can never be alone..... that separation is an invention of the mind propelled by our fear.

But even the fear that we feel can deceive us.  The word "fear" can be an acronym meaning "false expectations appearing real".  So where is the truth of who I am and what I am connected to?  Are my feelings pointing to a truer way of perceiving my life?  To chase after the affection and attention of others, in order to feel more loved and connected, we know is futile.  That transitory experience of "connection" goes through up-and-down" cycles, as people journey through their own personal growth. To base our experience of self love and self worth on how others are loving and treating us can create a "roller coaster" experience. And that tumultuous experience can reek havoc with one's emotions, if not grounded in a greater truth of one's being. So how does a person, who grew up singing "Some day my prince will come!" in school music class, find that foundation of personal truth?

"Tears" © 2010  ~ crayon by Carol E Fairbanks

In our culture, we tend to believe that personal happiness holds the "riches" of life that we seek.  If we feel sad or are in a bad mood, we often think that we are doing something "wrong".  We chase after that ideal "state of happiness" through our "drug of choice" in order to escape those tears, whether it be drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling or whatever "works".  In our efforts of masking our sadness, however, we might lose an opportunity to gain some greater wisdom about our life and our choices.  Those tears, we run from,  may contain valuable information about what we need to do to grow and bring healing to a part of our psyche. If we can "be" with our tears and sadness, they often reveal a path toward a healthier way of viewing ourselves and others.  Tears can "wash" away those toxic beliefs that keep us prisoners in our personal "stories".  Yes, what is behind that sadness, that we desperately want to escape, may hold the key to insights that can dramatically expand our life experience. And so it might be a gift, when the frantic pace in doing our "to do" list is stopped abruptly by tears.  Those tears certainly capture our attention and direct it to the real issues we need to attend to in our life.  They can radically change our priorities so that what is most valuable gets its deserved focus. 

"Feeling Loved" © 2010 ~ crayon by Carol E Fairbanks  

The trick of gleaning the greatest benefit of those tears is not to stay with them too long.  The "yoga path" of maintaining a balance of emotions is always the best approach.  In fact, while those tears can reveal ways of having greater compassion and understanding for ourselves and others, we are called to finally engage the energy of the love that they opened us up to.  Drying our tears, we can then put the wisdom they brought us into practice, by acting with greater love towards ourselves.  And finally, felling loved with a full heart, we can be more loving toward others.  At last, we have the "connection" we sought in the first place, and it did not come from what anyone said or did.  Rather, that loving fulfillment, that shatters the illusion of isolation, comes from a knowing that arises from a  deep source of wisdom that we all have within us.  To open to the love we seek in our lives, we must first experience it fully within our own heart and mind.  So, if we do not see that connection that we desire in our relationships, it is merely our life mirroring back to us that we are "looking for love in all the wrong places."  The "home" that Dorothy, from the Wizard of Oz, was talking about is really the "heart".  As she said, "I know not to go looking for my heart's desire anywhere else, because if I don't find it at home, I won't find it anywhere!"