Dancing With Change

“The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance.”                  Alan Watts

A beautiful artistic sign at the trail head welcomed me onto this natural path at Ankeny Wildlife Refuge for my fourth hike from William Sullivan’s book, 100 Hikes in the Central Oregon Cascades. The sound of honking geese flying overhead in “air force” formation first alerted me to the amazing abundance of wildlife in the verdant natural area, which is about 10 miles south of Salem. The adventure of this hike is not so much a physical challenge, as it is a very easy walk, but rather the challenge is in viewing all the varied forms of living things that make this land their home. 

A slug slowly slithered across the path as I made my way down to the boardwalk, which meanders nearly a mile through the wet, marshy forest. Another trail sign at the beginning of this walkway describes the drastic changes that this area goes through from Oregon’s very rainy winter to its hot dry summer. Those hardy Oregon ash trees, that I now observed submerged in water, would thrive equally as well when much of that water dried out from the sun’s warmth this coming summer. The ash trees have adapted to this change and, with their widespread roots, they have a sturdy foothold in the soil and can soak up the plentiful moisture as they need it. So Oregon ash trees seem to have adapted nicely to a seasonal change that would severely challenge most trees.

With such an abundance of water here, I fully expected to see mosses, liverworts and lichens. What I didn’t know was that they also played a big part in this dance of survival during the seasonal changes.  The informative trail sign also described mosses, liverworts and lichens as soaking water from the air, rather than putting down roots in the soil. As a result, they keep  soil and decaying material, such as dead logs and branches, moist. And this natural process in turn helps to break down organic materials, which creates new rich soil, as the cycle of life continues.

Nature teaches us the importance of adapting to changes in order to survive. And since change is pretty much guaranteed here on planet Earth, it’s something that we would do well to pay attention to. If we move with the changes, instead of resisting the inevitable, and join in that dance of change, of which we are part, perhaps we would better survive also.  We might even thrive, like the hardy Oregon ash!

         ........ another treasure from the trail 

                                       by Carol E. Fairbanks

     ~  Fighting with the Teacher ~

"The Battle Within" © 2000 ~ crayon by Carol E Fairbanks

"Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through the experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved." 

                                                                                                              ~ Helen Keller

"Heart Inspired" © 2000 - crayon by Carol E Fairbanks

I always fear that something is terribly wrong when things don't run smoothly.. or more precisely, just the way I want them to run!  If there is a struggle present in my life, my most immediate impulse is to angrily bolt and run. I tend to perceive these challenges in my life as defining me as being inadequate and lacking in some way. But when I make the choice to look differently at these struggles and see them as opportunities for personal growth and wisdom, they then begin to take on a new light. Author, John R. Miller, has written, "if you will call your troubles experiences and remember that every experience develops some latent force within you, you will grow vigorous and happy, however adverse your circumstances may seem to be."

So maybe those bothersome "troubles" come into my life to assist me in bringing forth my latent skills and talents, that I bury deep beneath my fear. When I am frustrated and challenged by a problem, I fume and stew for a while, but then, after calming down, I eventually figure out a creative way to resolve the situation. As a result, I am empowered by the process of overcoming that difficulty, just the same way I am when I reach the summit, after climbing a rigorous mountain trail.  

"Climbing Bear Peak in the Flatirons, CO"  1998  - photo by Carol E Fairbanks

One of the most difficult mountain hikes I have ever done was in Colorado in the summer of 1998.  I was spending a few weeks in Boulder to take a painting workshop at Naropa, and when I wasn't painting, I was hiking.  I had seen an ad in the local paper about a difficult hike in the Flatiron Mountains that was to be led by a Boulder County park naturalist.  The hike was going up to Bear Peak, and the newspaper ad described the view of the Rocky Mountains that one could see at a distance from the summit.  It sounded like my kind of adventure, and I immediately signed up to go. 

It was predicted to be very hot in the 90's on the day of the hike, and, with the higher elevation, which I wasn't used to, extra water and food were essentials for the trek. Not being fully aware of what this hike required, I showed up with my one small water bottle and no food, just like I did for my walks in Ohio.  But since I was determined and enthusiastic, the park naturalist allowed me to go on the hike anyway.  

The hike wasn't bad at first, but as we started to climb upward, negotiating large boulders on all fours and trekking awkwardly on rocky paths, I slowed down considerably. The rest of the hiking group moved confidently up the path and I quickly lost sight of them. I went through most of my drinking water right away, and the elevation was doing crazy things to my blood sugar.  Feeling thirsty and dizzy, I needed more water and some food, if I were ever going to make it to the summit.  

Just as I was thinking about turning around and going back, a young woman with her little black dog, appeared seemingly out of nowhere and generously offered me, some extra water and munchies.  

"CO Trail Angel"

I was as grateful for her kindness as I was for the food and water that she offered me. She and her friendly little dog stayed with me, offering assistance as I climbed over huge boulders and up rocky paths. When we reached a place right before the last rocky climb up to the summit, she paused and said with an encouraging smile, "You're going to make it up there to see those Rockies!" 

And she was right!  My excitement in looking up at that peak renewed my energy, and I quickly climbed up the rocky cliff to the top, where I snapped my "prize" photo of the distant mountains. When I turned around to thank her for all her help, she was gone with her small dog. I was amazed that a young woman would spend that much time helping me up to the mountaintop, when she could have done it by herself in much less time.  When I started back down, the park naturalist met me and walked the rest of the way down to the trail head with me.  The other members of the hike had finished the hike many hours before me, so that naturalist really put in some overtime helping me out!  

I seem to learn my biggest lessons on mountains. When I desperately need assistance with a challenge I am facing, support seems to be there when I need it the most.  When I'm at the summit, after an arduous climb, I am always energized and empowered by my accomplishment.  What I doubted that I could do, I was able to do!  And all that hard work of climbing up the mountain renders a wondrous reward to me.... greater vision from a higher perspective!  It seems like I can see for miles and miles at the summit. I perceive everything at once in a pattern that fits together like a puzzle.  I can't lie to myself when I climb a mountain. Whatever needs adjustment in my thinking and beliefs, surfaces in my mind with this physical and mental challenge. Nothing negative can be suppressed when I am needing all my resources to get to the top!  And the end result of my mountaintop accomplishment is that I feel like I have conquered the world, when it is only my fear and lack of confidence that I have triumphed over. 

"Creating Courage" © 2002 ~ crayon by Carol E Fairbanks

                               Going the Distance

"Going the Distance" © 2002  ~ colored marker by Carol E  Fairbanks

"Each one of us who travels further than the obstacles, will know a different kind of life from that time on....."

                                                           - from Brushdance

On May 20, 2002, feeling a lot of anxiety, I wrote this entry in my journal.  I had finalized my plans to travel in my little red Honda all by myself across the country from my home in Ohio to Colorado. I was not sure exactly what I wanted to accomplish, but it was an adventure that would not let go of me.  It felt like a mountain that needed to be climbed, just because it was there.  I was hard pressed to give my family and friends a rational reason why I decided to go on this venture, but something inside me said that to not go would mean losing an opportunity to live out the fullest expression of myself. 

Maybe it was something in my ancestral lineage that drew me out west.  My mom dearly love Colorado and described vividly the big sky that she photographed on vacations there. Just talking about her experience out west seemed to enhance her joy for life and extend to her a promise of a self not yet realized in Ohio.  The only book that Dad ever owned was a book about native Americans and the western landscape.  I even found among my Aunt Betty's photos, after she passed away, an old postcard photo of one of our clan's distant relatives.  I am not sure exactly how she is related to me, but her "spirit of adventure" and her sense of humor are definitely part of my psyche and soul. 

Fairbanks family photo - Helen - around the early 1900's.

Helen, around the turn of the century, had the guts to go out west, pose for a photo in a short skirt and, while holding a gun (probably unloaded, but even so...) write on her postcard...... 

"What do you think of me as an Eastern-Western girl?"

Helen had this independent self image even before women were allowed to vote in this country !!

Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face... You must do the thing you think you cannot do."   I really believe those words.  And for some reason, my clan looked to the "west" to inspire them to challenge their fear of limitation. To my family, it represented a kind of "OZ" at the end of the "yellow brick road".  It was a calling that could not be ignored.

"Mountain Vision" © 2003 ~ Carol E Fairbanks

I believe it was my destiny to travel out west...to the land of the big sky and mountains...to a place where I could make use of those resources within to actualize the reasons I incarnated in this lifetime.  It was important that I manifest this adventure with an open heart, and so I titled my journal which documented this experience, "A Journey of the Heart."  Under the "light of the full moon", and wearing a "multicolored cape" of heart inspired possibilities, I dared to "fly" west that summer of 2002. 

" Trail by the Flatirons, CO" 2001 , by Carol

And indeed, the mountains of experience and challenge, both inner and outer, in Colorado did push me beyond my fear.  Colorado was not meant to become my forever home, but the experiences there prepared me to be more "at home" with myself.  I never felt a connection to the people there, but I did, in my solitary journey, connect with my true authentic self.   

My destined trail was not to Colorado, but rather through it to a place I could never have imagined.  Colorado was my 'way shower" , my guide, who prepared me for my life in the northwest.  I never would have moved to Oregon directly from Ohio.  In fact, it never once entered my mind, when I lived in Ohio, to make Oregon my home.  It felt too far... too unreachable and unattainable. In Ohio, I seemed to lack what it took to travel to the northwest, and so the lure of the southwest stepped in and created that possibility within my heart and mind.  

Native American wisdom says that "every step you take is supported by 1000 ancestors."  And so this "journey of the heart" of mine was not a solitary one after all. I drew this drawing below, two years before I moved out west.  The spirit of the West was calling to me even before I was aware of the possibility of making it my home. Maybe my true self empowerment is more of a collective effort, where ancestors, great nature, and my sense of adventure have worked together in the process of opening my eyes to all that I really am. And to deeply know oneself, with love and appreciation, is to be fully empowered.

"Empowerment" © 2000  ~ crayon by Carol E Fairbanks